I was pushing the 3 month mark when we walked in the clinic together. My husband took the elevator and I took the stairs in order to stall for more time, hoping that I would be late for my appointment. But my husband's motto is "If you're early. you're on time. If you're on time, you're late", thus, he made sure we were there early. After signing in, I noticed that there were no other couples in the waiting room. I soon got called back for my blood work, then I was sent back out in the waiting room. Not 20 minutes later, I got called back into the room with a bright light. My husband couldn't come with me, but the nurse and doctor both made me laugh and were both comforting. My doctor, Micks was her name, was so nice to me, she held my hand and listened to me babble due to the effects of it... I don't remember what happened for the remainder of the day, but when I woke up the next morning, I rubbed my belly, said "good morning" to it, then I realized there was nothing to say "good morning" to...
I feel dumb now, I blamed everyone except for myself until I reached a point of acceptance.
I feel numb inside, depressed some days, happy and "sexualized" on other days. But when my husband attempts to get sexual or even touches my stomach, I freak out and I want him as far away from me as possible.. I find myself crying in his arms a lot, but the thing is, I don't know if I'm crying over the baby, or if I'm crying due to the drama in my life that is overwhelming me.
I need to distance myself from it all, maybe I need a prayer said for me, I don't know what to do. Is it pathetic that I fell in love with a 3 month creature who was still in my womb?
ShyBubble ShyBubble
22-25, F
Jun 26, 2014