I Wasn't There.

365 days ago, one of the best people I have ever known left this life. She was an amazing mother of 3 who would do anything for anyone at any time.

Kristin and I met when we were high school freshmen. She started about the middle of the school year and we had the same homeroom class. We hit it off immediatly. She always talked about wanting to have a baby and I thought she was crazy, we were so young. During our sophmore year, she had a miscarriage and it crushed her. A few months later she found out she was preganant again and she was so happy. Although we were so young, she was a natural at being a mother. Fast forward a few years, we graduated high school and were living togeather. While she was busy being a mom, I was out doing what young kids do, hanging out, going to clubs, basically enjoying being a "adult". I wind up meeting a guy and we move to a city about 50 miles away. Not too far, but far enough for us kinda disconnect. We started talking once a week, then once a month, then a few times a year until we eventully lost contact with each other.

I had thought about her often through out the years, but didn't know where she was. I had looked for her on facebook and myspace to avail. A few more years pass and I decide to try facebook again, I found her! I was so excited. I sent her an email with my phone number, and about a week later she called me. We talked for about 2 hours. During this conversation, she told me that she had been diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer. She had undergone a couple rounds of chemo and radiation, it looked like things were alright at the moment. I was so brokenhearted.

About a month goes by and I hadn't been able to reach her. I sent email, posted messages on her facebook and didn't get any reply. I just thought she was busy with her 3 kids and work, not to mention dealing with her illness. So one day I go to her facebook page and see messages saying rest in peace and condolences to her family. I was floored! She had died and I didn't even know!

I feel so guilty for not being there for her. She was the best friend I had ever had. Even with losing touch with her for those years, she had always had a place in my heart. I thought about her all the time. Then after finally finding her, she's gone. I just wish I could have had the chance to tell her how much I loved her. I WASN"T THERE! I wasn't there. I hate myself for that. I feel horrible. She would have been there for me, I know she would. I just hope she can see me now and know how much I miss and love her.
cr4zyf4ce cr4zyf4ce
31-35, F
1 Response Jan 30, 2012

Please don't feel quilty, <br />
you had all ready found her, you spoke for hours she knew how you felt. She was busy with her 3 children helping them thru this. If you choose, her children could use your strength that is a best friend.