Hey Soul Sister

This is a letter I wrote (and don't plan to send) to my "best friend." We still talk almost every day, but nothing will ever be the same between us. The friendship I thought we had is lost. Everything is forced now. This all started because I "betrayed her trust" two years ago. I've admitted I was wrong for doing what I did and have apologized on numerous occasions, and even ended another friendship for her because of it.

Hey Soul Sister (love that song),

You broke my heart. I loved you unconditionally and you threw that away. The fact that you said you didn't even know if we were ever really friends... it really hurt, because through thick and thin I’ve always considered you my best friend. I remember years ago … 2005, I believe, when we were talking about the friends we had, and you told me I was your “number one.” I said you were mine, too. I was so touched, and I'll never forgot that conversation. I’m crying right now, thinking about that, because I feel like with that one statement in your e-mail about us never really being friends, you took it all back.

And then there was that time when you were dating that last guy … you told me that your day didn’t feel complete if you didn’t talk to both of us, that you got stressed out if either of us didn’t log in for awhile - that we were your best friends. So that was all a lie, too?

I remember that at some point you stopped calling me your best friend. I noticed it immediately. If I ever called you mine, you would just smile at me and say nothing.

Like we never really connected.

One of the most important people in my life told me that our friendship was never real. A lie.

If all that’s true, then my life is a lie because you were such a huge part of it ever since I was a child, and you are a huge part of me.

It hurts me to talk to you now. It hurts caring about you when I know now that you don't care about me.
SoulStray SoulStray
May 24, 2012