Not Realizing How Much Pain He Was In Till It Was Too Late

On Feb 14 valentines day I lost my sons father to suicide it was so unexpected.I got a phone call from a friend telling me that everyone was saying he was dead and committed suicide He committed suicide at a gun range he shot himself in the head am still so hurt over this I wish I could of helped him I wish I would of told him that I loved him now am just left with many questions like why? it hurts me that my child his left with no father i blame myself I was mean at times I knew he had problems but I didn't know that they were bad I cry just wondering why it hurts me because I was stuck in my selfish ways worrying about myself not realizing he needed my help i wish I can take all those mean words I said back he felt like he had no one he felt alone he showed signs that he did in fact need help but no was there no one heard him crying out not even myself i can never truly get over this every time i think of it I shed tears But NOW ITS TOO LATE TO SAY TO HIM I LOVE YOU it will be OKAY SOMETIMES THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE NEED IS TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE DOES CARE:"(
21pink 21pink
4 Responses Sep 2, 2012

I lost my partner 4 weeks ago to suicide he hung himself leaving me and his daughter and family 101 questions i feel so very much like how you feel ! i should i said i love you more often i should of seen the signs. its the most unbearable pain and the mess it leaves behind is horrid . i wish depression was taken much more serious than it is. my pain is is so raw along with my daughters but what sort of pain must he had been in and suffered silently . always tell someone you love them please i would not want this pain inflicted on otrhers . love light and strengh to you xxx

I attempted suicide via overdose on 30 JANUARY 2011. I was flown by life flight, held in ICU for weeks, then spent 15 months in a nursing home. My ex-wife and mother drove me to it. I had two spinal fusions, could not work, was served divorce papers, jailed thirty days for using my tax return for rent (because I couldn't work), and abandoned. I was in physical, emotional, and mental anguish. While in the hospital my ex-wife and mother tried to get sole custody of my two daughters. I could not believe what my ex-wife was doing, and my own mother. Eight months prior to my suicide my fishing partner shot himself in the chest and died. His wife drove him to it with her head games. He was a wonderful responsible man, and his wife couldn't stand it. She always did things that she knew upset him. People say they care, and words mean nothing. People show they care or don't by their actions. I read stories like this and literally feel sick to my stomach. I am a suicide surviver. My fishing partners death is a direct result of his wife's mind games and psychological abuse. I wish she could be charged with murder or manslaughter and be thrown in prison for life. I feel no sympathy or empathy for those who mentally and emotionally abuse others, push them over the edge, and then talk about how sad they are about it. What I would really like to say I dare not write. Whenever those I care about are hurting, I take them in and give them a shoulder to cry on. I'm so sick of watching men commit suicide over mind games by perpetrating mind abusers and then hearing them say how bad they feel. This goes both ways. It happens to women too and I would write this same response to a guy expressing regret, stating they knew this person was suffering and were mean to them. When someone is suffering and someone treats them poorly, I cannot even wrap my brain around this. This is Sadistic behavior that only a truly evil person would do. No one in this genre deserves any sympathy. How does one make up for such disgusting carelessness? The only positive thing is, the Father of your child is in a peaceful place away from sick people who have no consciences. I wish he would have handled it in a completely different way, but when people get that depressed, and then on top of it those they think who care smash them even further down, well that's like assaulting a retard helpless person. I would say go get some psychological help, but you know what you did and didn't do. I don't know what to say except the fact I hate people like you.

Look, It is clear you are angry and in grief still.. You don't know her, nor her story.
It will take time for you to heal- but you know how difficult it is to lose a loved one, have pity on this woman. We are all human beings and not perfect- sadly many of us don't see it in time.
Separate what happened to you from her- she is not the blame for your wife's behavior, and you know that.
I think she deserves an apology for your harsh words.

l think suicide is not the answer to what ever u facing in life.. & they all are wrong! in fact i tried to kill myself many times, & at some point in my life i reached limit and i made three wounds in my hand!! but then i cried and i realized nothing worth to die for.. nothing worth to give up my life like that.. and i made promise i wouldn't do it again no matter how bad my life is!! cause am sure someone is somewhere in this world suffering more than i am. And dear don't blame yourself for that, ppl have mind and he had mind to try a different way in his life not giving up so easily.. and the most thing he need is himself to save him!! once he have himself beside him.. he will get back to his own consciousness! and now dear time has passed.. what happened had happened blaming will only bring more pain and sorrow.. U have to pull yourself together for his sake and ur own son.. and am sure if he saw u in that situation, blaming yourself he would tell u to not do that.. u still got Ur son beside u!!And always Remember that time is the only healer to all our wounds that we have!! so Faith in time.. .

I have two suicides in my family... I too had considered it for a time... but the fact that I have two little boys... made me see things differently... In my heart I knew they would be worse of without me... I wish your sons father had seen the same thing... I'm sorry that he didn't... you can't beat yourself up over this... just be there for him for his son....