Life After A Death

I've always been the one everyone goes to with their problems. I've been in that role for so long that I don't know how to be the one to ask for help. Even if I could, I don't know anyone who is capable of taking me on.

I went to church and got a headache during the service. I felt so strange that I ran out as the pastor was speaking to me. Soon after, my son called me in a panic saying that dad was passed out. He was in shock and didn't know how to tell me what he saw. I ran over to him prepared to give CPR, not noticing my surroundings. As I got to him I didn't realize what I was seeing at first. I was paralyzed and I knew there was nothing I could do.

I haven't been able to hug and kiss my son enough. He gets so angry at times. He wants to see his father and entertains thoughts of making that happen. We've spent so many nights battling through the madness until he lets go and lets me in. Its been exhausting. Between keeping him on track with school and counseling, the estate and a full time job, I can't handle even the simplest tasks like grocery shopping and cleaning anymore.

Every day I get up I think I can't do it. I don't know how I end up in the shower or the drive to work. It's all a blur. I keep expecting horrible things to happen and my imagination is working against me. Reality used to be something more concrete but lately it's been slipping through my fingers as I struggle to make sense of everything.
notheragain notheragain
26-30, F
Dec 16, 2012