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Lost The Love Of My Life <3

I met this amazing guy and fell in love with him he asked me to marry him and I agreed I was looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him we planned the wedding and planned our whole life together for the first time in my life I WAS HAPPY TO BE ALIVE :)
he gave me reason to live he made me look forward to every new day....he was successful he was charming he was handsome he was PERFECT in July he lost his dad due to a heartattck and the year before he lost his mother I was there for him the whole time but he never would wanna talk about everything he later became very aggressive and would snap quickly he also began to drink a lot as soon as we'd fight he go drinking i knew a problem had started and tried talking to him but he was so stubborn (1 of the things i loved about him lol) he was my everything i've never loved anyone so much he took my son as his own and together we were the perfect family he started going to therapy to try and come to terms with losing both parents i supported him all the way and then one weekend we had a fight and he went out drinking and came back i told him i couldn't take it anymore and we exchanged words i was broken by everything he said and decided to ignore him after all the messages and phones calls i decided to reply and tell him i'm not angry and i forgive him because i love him more the anything in this world he told me that he will prove to me that he loves me i never thought killing himself was how he'd prove his love i BLAME MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING IF I WASN'T SO STUBBORN HE'D STILL BE HERE WITH ME TODAY THE DAY HE LEFT WAS THE DAY HE TOOK MY HEART WITH...its been over a month since his been gone and i still cry myself to sleep it all still feels so unreal i wanna wake up from this nightmare i don't wanna live without him i will ALWAYS LOVE HIM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I LOVE YOU BJORN
mEEgaAn mEEgaAn 22-25 1 Response Jan 29, 2013

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Hi, Megan. Let me first say, I have never been through anything similar to you, I don't think most people have, but I hope you still take the time to consider my thoughts..

When I read your post, I got this feeling that Bjorn ended his life because he was convinced that you would be better off without him. Maybe I'm wrong, but try imagining that.. If he did it out of love because he thought it was the best way to make your life better. Yes, it sounds like he was mistaken, but what if you start living your life to fulfill his vision? To help his dream come true? His dream of bringing eternal happiness to you, but he struggled because of his unfortunate past pulling him down.

I personally like to believe that after we pass on, we can still feel how our loved ones are doing in a bizarre way. What if he can feel/see how you feel? Wouldn't he be happier if he saw you trying to make the most out of each day? I strongly believe that both of you share the same love for each other, and knowing that, all he would want is for you to be happy.. Try to do it for him, try to do it for yourself, that's all I ask!

Jake

Thank you so much Jake i think i'll do exactly just that you made me see things differently now....he only wanted me to be happy....yes i miss him so much that i cry myself to sleep I guess i'll come to terms with that.... everytime i look at my son he reminds me so much of "B"...i'll live my life to the fullest knowing that he lives in my heart.... &lt;3 thank you Jake

I am very glad to hear that! :) I wish you the best!