My Baby Sister
I lost my beautiful baby sister back in 1999. She was 21 years old. I remember praying to G-d as a child to give me baby sister and at age 11 I got one.
She was beautiful and precious. I would have done anything for her. During her teen years, something awful happened to her that should never happen to any woman. She changed and her life spun horribly out of control.
She had 2 little sons (I have never gotten to meet them and do not know where they are). It hurts me that they'll never know their mother and what a wonderful person she was, no matter what she went thru later in life.
I don't know the full details. I was living across the country from her at the time of her death. All I know was that she was at a club with a guy. They were drinking and doing drugs and started fighting. They went to his truck. He had a gun in the glove compartment and she pulled it out and shot herself in the head.
I don't know if all this is true. I don't want to believe that. I would rather believe that this guy did this to her. I don't know...I think it would be easier on me if she was killed by him than if she committed suicide while under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
I've never gotten over this. I've always felt guilty...like I let her down. I know that I didn't have anything to do with it but the guilt of what if stays with me.
What if...I'd never moved away? What if...I'd been there to try to get her to give up the drugs and alcohol? What if...there was some way I could have traded places with her?
All these what if's...there are many more. I miss you Vickie...I love you. I've sat at your grave for hours just talking to you, wanting and believing that you can hear me and that you're answering back in some way.
I'll never forget you no matter how much time passes and the hurt of losing you never fades away.