My Closest Cousin

On March 15,2009 my life was changed forever. At around 5:30 I received a frantic but confused call from my uncle. Just as he was asking me if i had heard from any other family members that day my cousin cindy was on the other line. I clicked over to hear her tears. My cousin and her brother was no longer with us. As I listened to what she heard I became increasingly more heartbroken. August wasn't just my cousin, he was my best friend. We're approaching his 8 month death anniv and every month on the 15th I go to the train tracks where he took his life. What makes it hard on me is that I never had the closure of seeing him at rest. I have a copy of the medical examination that shows cause of death is gunshot wound under his chin, his casket was closed. I miss my cousin everyday and the months since his death I question myself and ask myself what if everyday. I don't think I'll ever have any answers or any reasoning but the pain is fresh everyday

MissMyCousin MissMyCousin
18-21, F
2 Responses Nov 3, 2009

I lost my closest cousin and best friend too.<br />
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Read My story of loss...Maybe it is your answer also to your loss.<br />
Leave me a comment thank you..<br /><br />
<br />
finally solved. decades later.<br />

I've read your story, and I was amazed with your strength and bravery! I send to you support, and hugs. The same thing happened to my uncle (my father's brother), only he survived the gunshot. He was put on anti-depressants and his behavior became erratic. He went from a gifted musician, artist, and math genius, to a loner and paranoid individual. The doctors and psychiatrists blamed his depression, and not the huge amount of SSRI's they put him on. He could of died that year, but with a miracle, survived. My grandmother working in the medical field at the time, managed to have him tapered from some of the drugs, and he became a different person ...more social, engaging and friendly. I look at the industry of SSRI's as a money making business ... they are expensive drugs, and I believe that at times doctors would rather get paid writing these scripts than to actually LISTEN to their patients ... A sad reality.

I send you prayers, and peace in your tragedy ...XXX hugs.