I Lost My Dad
to suicide just this last summer. Sometimes, actually oftentimes, it feels like I found out about it yesterday. The weird part, and the part that makes it CRAZY to deal with, is my Dad was one of the most loving people, most caring people. His marriage and everything was wonderful, and my parents had just celebrated their 25th anniversary. It is weird how sometimes your view on a topic completely changes when you experience it. I always thought that suicide was something that total lunatics did. I now realize that it affects normal people, and sometimes it takes even the strongest people from this earth. It is so hard to deal with him not being here for us, and the grief is still there in our minds and constantly in our thoughts.
If you too have lost a loved one to suicide, please tell me about your experience. Maybe together we can make it through, despite the fact that we cannot understand their decision to take their own life. I think, however, that it isn't a decision at all. I actually believe that people who commit suicide do not have any control over their mind at that point, and they are actually having a "attack of the brain," or something. It also has taught me to look past what you see in people, because when I looked at my father, all I saw was love and admiration for his kids and for my Mom. People may have a happy face, a cheery demeanor, and be losing their way inside themselves. If we tried to look deeper and read people better, I think we would find out that you can tell when people are hiding a depressed person within themselves.
I miss my dad so much and there are tears rolling down my cheek as I type this experience. I really need a hug and I want to go home at least to be with my Mom and my sister and brothers, but this can't happen for several weeks. I am a mess, a real live mess, sometimes.