I remember it vividly, as if it were yesterday.
My cousin met me and my sister. My brothers eyes were stained red, but no tears.
Walking down that forbidden corridor, so pale, so bare, so cold. You could feel the sadness, the pain engulf everything around you. Though no words were spoken we walked in  the strangest silence iv ever felt in my entire life.
A forbidden silence of a boy afraid to scream.

I knew what was waiting at the end of the hall. I knew when my sister broke down on my shoulder. I knew when I was greeted. When we walked down those corridors, through the awkward silence. I knew. I just refused to believe it then.

No tears, no weakness. Just a stubborn kid that believed it was a dream. That she would wake up. That she had too. I refused to believe what was real then. I denied it all. I never accepted it. A poor kid in disbelief and everything to follow was just a façade.

For the first time I felt pain like no other. My world changed. I didn’t cry that week. I barely spoke. I went unnoticed, under the radar. Sad and full of pain and resent.
Angry. I was just a kid, how was I to understand.

I wrote almost always. I felt alone. Hurt. Angry at the world and everything in it for taking her from me. I even cried to the heavens once, not knowing why. Asking to give her back to me. Asking why they had to take her from me. How could she leave.

I even prayed to a god I cared not to believe in. In my darkest of times. In my own empty loneliness I hurt. I silently suffered.

One day I realised who I had become.
The pain became distant with time an I hadn’t noticed. That one day when I did i realised what happened happened, there was nothing I could do except accept it. Because if it had not been for her. And the lessons learnt in her death I would not have been who I am today.

With time I guess you realise what’s important. And acknowledge the past as a gift to be learnt from.

Memories are all I have now. And its those memories that are beautiful.
Although they are gone physically, doesn’t necessarily mean that they are ever forgotten.

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2 Responses Jul 10, 2010

um....this is very very very nice writing! =)

are you a boy or a girl cuz you reffered to yourself as both in this story.....=/