No Longer My Little Girl....

I recently lost custody of my 11 year old girl to her father. I have had custody of her since her father and I split over 6 years ago. The last two years have been awful since I filed for child support only because he makes good money and everything was a fight. After getting support every vacation and visit my daughter would come home brain washed and angry that she wanted to live with her dad. I knew what he was doing manipulating her to think living with him was best so he could get out of paying childsupport. Well after all was said and done two weeks ago the courts allowed an 11 year old girl tell them were she wanted to live and walla that was it my little girl was no longer mine. I have been going through all of the motions I feel like someone has died. I am angry at the courts at him at her at everyone that I have been the best mom worked my but off to give him custody of my baby. Moving her from a two story -with her own room- away from her two baby brothers to a apartment where she shares a room with her 16 year old brother who sexually touched her at the age of 4. SERIOUSLY.. WTF are people thinking now at days. I mean I just dont get it. And my daughter....I am just so hurt that after all I have been through I feel as if there was no loyalty to me her mother the person who gave her live with a man who has dissapointed her over and over again. It just hurts.No one understands my pain. Everyone tells me to be supportive love her unconditionally no matter what - when part of me is like F&*() that. I am so hurt and angry that I just can't bare the thought of talking to her or seeing her. I was cleaning out her room and found a journal. It only made me realize how much more I did not know this little girl. I just feel lost right now, numb and torn from all the things I am suppose to do - not do. Feel not feel....Its just hard no amount of sleep - zoloft - counseling has helped me right now. The only things keeping my mind body and soul together are my baby boys......
nolongermygirl nolongermygirl
5 Responses Aug 6, 2012

also lost my son on and off to an obsessive ex husband who I know still loves me. He knows that the only thing I wanted from our 10 year marriage was my son. We shared joint custody of our now 13 year old son and he took me to court again because of jealousy over my boyfriend of 4 years. Every time I have had a man in my life he stalked me, followed me, literally banged on my door and windows trying to get at me. My son has said he spied on me with my ex husband. This man is crazy. My son wrote a letter to the judge the last time we were in court begging them not to take him from me and the judge gave me one day a week supervised visitation as if I am some criminal. My ex lied about my boyfriend being a bad guy and I know it was because my son started calling him Dad. My ex had twin girls when we met that were only a year and a half. He shared custody of them with his first wife and they started calling me mommy when I got pregnant with my son. He never stopped them either so why he is so mad about my son's relationship with my boyfriend is beyond me. Anyway, now my ex won't let me talk to my son by phone and says he doesn't want to even talk to me. He says he thinks all these terrible things about me now. He is manipulating him. This is crazy!! My son and I were so close! Inseparable!! He is my world and now he has him and I am slowly sinking into a depression and don't even want to leave my home anymore!! I cry non stop. I hate this situation and I fear I will just widdle away into nothing. How do you find strength to keep battling a monster? It is exhausting everyday to cope with!! What do you do with this situation? I seriously need help!! I am losing it without him here!! My heart is broken into pieces. Can anyone help?? I am desperate!! Thank you!! God bless you all!!

Unfortunately I can relate. I've had my 11yr old daughter for the pass three years since my ex and I separated and divorced. A few weeks ago he called and said he could no longer pay me child support (out of the blue). Well that's when everything went to crap. He and I had an argument one night over child support where my daughter did hear more than she should have and I regret that. But I explained to her that it was a disagreement between two adults nothing to do with her. However my ex has always had a way to manupilate my daughter into feeling sorry for him. For the pass 3 years I have not dated, spent little or no time away from daughter except to work, go to school, and her, that's it. My mom is the only other person who has cared for her since she was 8weeks old. He moved about 2 years ago about 3 hours away. He has gotten her every other weekend since we separated and divorced. He lives with his girlfriend that he literally was seeing before I moved out. My daughter doesn't even like her. Now he's decided my daughter has the right to decide who she wants to live with and she wants "to live with him". On two separate occassions he has not returned her as scheduled. The words she says sound like him, she told me it was time for a change, she wants to live with her dad. I have no legal papers so I've hired a lawyer and sewing for custody (I have no other choice). But my fear is he has manupilated her so much that she will tell the judge she wants to live with him, even though in my heart I don't think she does. He has given a burden and responsibility and put them on an 11yr olds shoulders. That is not a parent figure. I'm devasted and literally have been going thru day to day motions but I'm hollow inside, I cry all the time. My life without my daughter... I can't imagine.

I can totally relate. My story is very similar. I lost custody of my daughter 15 months ago to her Father who lives with his parents. He moved her an hour north from me, changed her schools immediately, etc., started refusing me visitation, has hit me REALLY hard financially for child support, etc. I feel it was more to give his Mother the only thing of value he had our daughter and to screw me in the process. I have since given up my house to foreclosure because it would not short sell and moved the hour north to be closer to her. I have been torn up emotionally ever since the custody change. She says she is tired of living where she does, but does not want to give up her friends. I think about it daily. I feel so lost. I know I was legally screwed as I was not found to be unfit or anything like that, but it does not help me to feel better to know how betrayed I was by so many. I do not know how to get my happy back. If I did not have my other daughter (my blessing) with my current husband I would be gone as I feel I have no other purpose to this life as my kids are my life. I do not think these people realize or care the damage they cause by ripping our kids from us, from their other siblings, etc. I am trying to accept the damage that has been done, but struggle with it sooo much, this is why I looked online for this website. I wish there was an in person support group for this in my area that I could attend for much needed healing.

Hey you have your baby boys so stay strong for them. (: <br />
I bet she will return back to you in no time. From what you've mentioned seems like it's not a lot of fun there. <br />
She's just 11, spare her, don't hate her. She doesn't know whats best for her and I bet she doesn't realize how much you've sacrificed for her. Remember she's just eleven and she is brainwashed, not her fault. <br />
Her journal is just a mix of confused emotions. Don't take that for granted. She misses you even if she doesn't say it and gives you attitude. <br />
Remember your boys need you...

I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. :/ Best wishes.