Not What You Might Think

When I say I've lost friends, I don't mean through death, nor is my situation really comparable to ElLagarto, who lost his drinking buddy friend.

I went through about 7 incredibly difficult years, where it seamed it was one thing after the other. I would say it started with my extremely contentious divorce. My ex was very angry and vindictive, he regarded me as a possession, and how dare his possession express discontent and end the marriage. That didn't stop him from getting remarried 7 months after we split, but he couldn't let go, he couldn't do what was best for our kids. He and his new wife spent the next 7 or 8 years trying to poison the minds of our kids and anyone else they could get to listen. They also dragged me in and out of court, at first trying to contest the divorce settlement we had agreed to and then trying to get custody of the boys. They lost on all counts, but it was very hard on all concerned.

Then, a few years after the divorce I was in a major car accident, suffering a brain injury among other things. You don't emerge from a TBI (traumatic brain injury) a completely different person, but you are often different enough to cause uncertainty as to who you really are. There are many different effects it can have and no two people suffer exactly the same effects.

In my case, I became less social, more blunt. I developed attention deficit disorder symptom, I had trouble sitting still for extended period and would get anxious, I developed a mood disorder and a heightened startle response. I had short term memory deficits. I also had chronic pain from headaches and severe whiplash. I did, however, retain my dry wit and for that I am thankful.

For quite awhile, my friends were wonderful, but other negative things happened in my life. My father died at age 54, 24 year old brother died suddenly and my mom was diagnosed with hydrocephalus. My oldest son started to get into trouble and became disrespectful, deviant and almost impossible to handle.

My 3 best friends all worked in the same building as I, they started doing things without even asking me if I could join them. I was hanging on to my sanity by the tip of my fingernails and couldn't devote a lot of thought to the situation. I remember asking one of my friends why it seamed I was being excluded, one of the things she said was that sometimes it was just too depressing to be around someone with nothing but problems to talk about. That hurt, but I understood and backed off for awhile.

When I felt things had calmed down in my life, I tried to re-establish these friendships. I remember sending an e-mail to them apologizing for not getting together with them much and I didn't like the feeling that we had lost touch. The response I got from one of them was, "I thought it was just life that got in the way, we've all been busy."

I haven't been able to call them close friends since and I miss that friendship. In fact the only close friendship I really have is my boyfriend. I sometimes think I don't know how to go about developing friendships anymore. Another thing I think the TBI left me with is a bit of apathy.

WittyOne WittyOne
46-50, F
4 Responses Jul 9, 2007

THANK YOU - It really is ancient history at this point. I have had about 5 years of relative peace and quiet. I never wished my ex-husband harm, he was the father of my children, but he passed away last year after sufferring for about 4 years with scleraderma.<br />
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Things are not perfect, but oh so much better for me.

Sorry to hear that. I know how important my wife's friends are to her and how it adds to her well being. I wish for you the best. Hope things finally come back into focus for you.<br />
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As far as the divorce issues, went through the same thing myself, there is nothing I can say that will ease what you are going through, but you have my sympathies.

That is sweet of you breck. They were there for a couple of years, but one crisis after another hit. It is in part my fault too, I tended to withdraw into myself.<br />
You deal with what comes your way as best you can, and move on.

that's incredibly intense. you're coping very well, all things considered. that's really too bad about your friends... i get that it's rough hearing about someone's problems all the time, but... if you guys are good friends, isn't that what you're there for? i don't think friendship is for the good times and should be put on hold when things are tough. that's not how it works. poor you! usually when things are going badly, your friends and family would be exactly whom you'd lean on for support. and you had them taken away. that's awful. i'm really sorry. hope things start looking up soon.