I Do Miss Them...

As you grow older, obviously you do not remain in touch with everyone you once knew.  My mother calls the people who leave you fair-weather friends.  They only are friendly with you when it is convenient for them to be so, or if you have something that they want.  Now, it has been almost four years since I graduated from High School and I have since lived in a city that is 300 miles from my hometown.  Needless to say, I'm only in touch with four of the people that I went to high school with now.  However, the loss of two friendships in my life stand out more than any other and still hurt today.


The first of these was a girl that I called 'Lister'.  The nickname came from Red Dwarf.  Like Dave Lister, she was calm, laid-back and a bit of a slob.  I met her in the second year of High School.  I was very badly bullied at the time and had very few friends so I was always very depressed and lonely.  Lister always had a perky and optimistic attitude.  She was very over-weight and had thick glasses and bad acne, and so the bullies always targeted her too, but she never let it get her down.  She always stood up for herself and other people.  She would even phone me every night for a chat, even if we'd spent all day together.


Because Lister was a bit of a rebel, my mother always disapproved of her.  I was a very good student, and Lister was not as academically bright.  My mother thought that, by associating with her, the teachers at my school would see us as a double act and assume I was a trouble-maker.  To my knowledge, this never happened.  Even at such a bad time in my life, I was a good girl and wouldn't give in to such serious peer pressure.


It was around the time I started my A levels that Lister and I really started to grow apart.  Possibly even a bit earlier.  She started to hang around with people that I did not know, and stopped calling me.  I eventually found out that she'd started hanging out with a bunch of stoners and taking drugs.  I thought that she was just on weed, but when she went into hospital a few months later for an operation the doctors found a number of unknown substances in her blood and it turned out she was on much harder stuff too.  By this point, thankfully, I had made more friends at school so I was not reliant on her, but I was still sad that we'd been so close and now were so apart.


The last time I saw Lister was in the summer of 2008.  I'd been visiting another friend and she just walked into the room.  She is clearly still a stoner.  She was horribly lethargic and slurred her words when she spoke.  I mentioned that I was going to visit another of our old friends a few days later and she asked if she could come along too.  But she never showed up.  I went around to her house, emailed her, texted her and rang her mobile and parent's home phone, but to this day she has not responded with a reason why.  It's very sad that my one-time best friend now can ignore me so.


The other loss of friend that still bothers me was the friend that I have mentioned before in my blog, whom I shall call 'Anne'.  Anne was my rock throughout the first year of university.  As I said, I moved 300 miles away and knew no one.  Anne lived in the room beneath mine, and on our second day at the university we went for a long walk together and became firm friends.  She was bright and bubbly and I loved her for it.  With three lads from our halls, we even rented a house together the following year.


Anne eventually got a boyfriend, and started to spend less time with me.  I didn't mind too much.  I still got to see her almost every day and I could still go to her for advice when I needed it.  She was a great listener, and offered me a lot of support when my parents separated.  However, she changed dramatically when I started dating my Vlad.


Anne did not like Vlad.  She did not immediately make this clear, however.  Naturally, as she had done when she had her boyfriend, I started spending less time with her and more with Vlad.  Only, this became a problem as she split up with her boyfriend in a matter of months.  I began to suspect that she was jealous of me, as she kept putting Vlad down.  For example, when I said that he was a very sweet and gentle man, she commented that she had a friend who thought her boyfriend was sweet and gentle until he started to beat her.  Not a very nice thing to say in reference to my boyfriend...


Half way through my second year at university, things got very bad.  One of our flatmates moved out, and Vlad also found that he would have to move in a matter of months.  I asked if Vlad could move into our house to solve all the trouble for us all, and they refused.  When I asked why, the truth came out.  Anne and one other flatmate had been bullying Vlad for months.  Whenever I left the room, apparently, they would turn on him and start picking on him - telling him that he was disrespectful to them and that they hated him.  Vlad is very sensitive, but did not want to cause trouble between me and the people I was living with so he said nothing.  They also told me that they had already decided who would move into the room.  It was a boy that they all knew (except me) who turned out to suffer from some form of autism that made him prone to violent temper tantrums.  As an overworked student with a history of panic attacks, I then announced that I would also be leaving the house.


Almost instantly, I found that Anne had both blocked me off MSN and removed me from her FaceBook friends list.  She would not talk to me if I was in the same room as her and I often could hear her and her friends talking in the room below about how much they disliked me and Vlad.  I could not be out of that house fast enough.  I am very sad that Anne and I parted on such bad terms.  I have seen her a couple of times since, and smiled and said 'Hello' but there was obviously no chance in us reconciling our friendship.  She was so good to me for my first year and a half at university that I'm very sorry for it.  Vlad tells me that she was a nasty person, and never really was my friend.  I don't believe this to be true, but I do feel that now I am better off without her bringing me down.


Well, there you have it, the two saddest stories I have about loss of friends.

Ryuuzaki Ryuuzaki
22-25, F
4 Responses Feb 11, 2009

Thanks Groffy. You can't please everyone, I suppose. Everyone looses some friends throughout their life. I'm grateful to the few friends who I have known since high school for standing beside me all this time. It's very sad how these two friendships ended, but clearly they were not meant to be.

I'm with Aurora. Looking back I have seen many friendships come and go, right through my longish life.<br />
Sometimes as our interests went into new paths, and sometimes through one of us moving on or away and the difficulty of keeping in meaningful contact.<br />
But, probably because of a different mix of characters (to your situation), and also perhaps because of typical male/female differences, things were rarely nasty. Can I explain?<br />
My 2 daughters went through similar horrible stuff in their teenage years as you report, and (as an of course unbiassed parent) I'd have to say not through much of their fault. Seriously, all our family members are regarded as rocks of Gibraltar! My 2 sons had nothing like what their sisters experienced, and your blog brought back the horrible never ending bullying our A & H had to suffer through at high school especially.<br />
As I've said before, the future will hopefully be better for you, as you e.g., are more experienced, have Vlad at your side, and have more control and stability in your life-journey.<br />
These two friendships were clearly very important to you, and it's rather sad how they ended, but hey, we each choose our life course and that has consequences, the more so as others do the same.<br />
Way to go, Ryuu!

I agree, Aurora. I'm grateful that I met these people, but that just makes their leaving all the more sad.

Aww Ryuu those are both really sad stories. I guess sometimes people come into our lives for an express purpose - both these people made a real difference when they were there for you. But when that purpose is over - they leave. Just wish the leaving wasnt so painful.