Lost In Love

Again, my heart gets broken... or does it?  I'm really not sure.   I have very confused feelings right now because the man I was seeing, ok, let's put it straight, the man I was having an affair with is gone.  He is with someone else now.  Not even his girlfriend of 5 years, but someone else.  I'm really not sure what to think of this.

I went to his girlfriend's house today because she needed someone there.  She called me - which made me feel like a schmuck!  I was sleeping with her common law - how the hell was I SUPPOSED to feel?  I went to her place anyway.  I felt so bad for her - for what I had done to her - and she didn't even know...  what a schmuck!

As things turned out, I didn't tell her about the affair I had had with her now 'ex', but told her that if she ever needed me, just to call.  I hugged her and told her that everything would be ok - and that she didn't deserve scum like him - she deserved much better - does that mean that I am scum too?    After all, I slept with him.  Man, what a mess...

She called him and told him to come and get his things.  He did... and his jaw hit the floor when he walked in and saw me there.  I was almost boasting with the look I gave him.  He was so angry that he told me 'There's the door - use it'.... I just chuckled and said, "I was invited here and I'm not leaving!"  This man is 6 ft 4in tall and bulky - I am just under 5 ft tall... short but feisty!  Then he came right up to my face and started to threaten me - I didn't flinch - I just put up my hand and told him to go ahead and hit me... I would put him in jail instantly.  He left me alone after that.  He never showed me that violent side of him...

I did, however, end up calling 911 as he pushed her around and I didn't figure I should get in between them.. the cops showed up.   I apologized to the officer and she said not to worry and that I did the right thing.

To my surprise, I'm really not heartbroken about the affair being over - it was a few good times, that made me feel like a woman again.  And I guess, after all is said and done, my heart is ok with that.  I guess I will never hear from him again and you know, I'm really OK with that....

Cheleanne Cheleanne
66-70, F
4 Responses Jul 28, 2007

Yuppers.... and I already have one of those! LOL

Thanks Dancing! Now THIS is the reason I love this place so much! You guys are the best!

Thanks for that Bldbrd.... I'm ok though - I didn't think I would be... <br />
but I am.... it's funny, how your mind plays tricks on you when you are so lonely....

You are definitely not scum..HE is.<br />
Firstly because of what he did to all 3 of you women and most importantly for putting his hands on his girlfriend. He has absolutely no right or justification for doing that. None.<br />
I am really glad that it wasn't you that got that abuse. It's hard to deal with for sure but you are so better off in the long run. You WILL find someone to love and who will love you for who you are and how you need to be loved. Patience is a virtue.