He Was My First Love.

I want to start off by saying he isn't dead. When I say I lost him, I mean as a friend. As a BEST friend.


We met when I was fourteen at the neighbourhood swimming pool. He was just some guy to me then, nobody special. But he was friendly, so my best friend (Kelly) and I invited him over to my house after the swim to watch a movie. We did two times that summer. Then school started and something amazing happened.

He asked to come home with me after school. Having only hung out with us twice, he told me he had decided that Kelly and I were the ones he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. He told me he had never felt so free to be himself around anyone else before.  He told Kelly and I that he wanted to be best friends with us forever, spend the rest of his life with us and never do anything without us...I know I'm sounding like I'm stretching what he said or something. But that is practically a word for word quote.

After that night, life was never the same again. From that point on, he spent literally every waking hour with me and Kelly. We would wake up, go meet him, go to school together and he would come over after school until our curfews. When he had to go home, he would call me up and the two of us would talk on the phone till midnight...Slowly the two of us began spending less and less time with Kelly. And pretty soon, it was just the two of us. Together ALL of the time.

He told me he loved me more than anybody else, that I was the best friend he had ever had. I told him I loved him too. I tried to date him. He insisted he only liked me as a friend. We kissed once, but never again (he didnt want to). But he told me that someday, when we got older, we would have sex. 

Then, he tried drugs.

He lost interest in me. He began only contacting me once every two weeks. He would ignore my phone calls and refused to hang out with me most of the time. When he did hang out with me, he was obviously in a lot of pain. He did strange things, like slitting his wrists in front of my eyes. He also made plans with me, ditched me and instead watched me through my back window without me knowing (then told me about it later)...Basically, the drugs got to him.

Then, we parted. He switched schools. I told him I didn't want to talk to him until he got off drugs (even though I loved him more than anybody else in the world). He told me he loved me too, but that he just couldn't care for me anymore because he could hardly take care of himself. His honesty was refreshing, but just knowing the pain he was in made life a living hell.

We stopped talking. For three years I refused to speak to him, in hopes that he would clean up his act. He didn't.

A lot of time has passed since then. I'm in university now, studying theatre. He's still in high school, trying his best to eventually graduate (he didn't manage to graduate on time because of the drugs). He's been to the hospital a few times over the past three years, been in many dangerous situations, etc. all because of drugs.

Recently, though, I came to the decision that not talking to him wasn't doing any good. He wasn't cleaning up his act. And it shouldn't be my responsibility to see that he was. It's his life, and he has to do it for himself. So, I started seeing him again. Not very often, of course. I know I can't rely on him anymore. But he came over once a couple of months ago, and last night we went to the movies.

It's nice to see him again. But I still feel horrible for him. When we met up, he told me he still feels the same about me as he always has. But, he is still struggling with the drugs.

He loves me, but we can't be best friends anymore. Because he is an addict.

loveaduck loveaduck
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 25, 2010

I know how you feel, but i also know how he felt. Because i am "him". I went off to my first year of college and experiemented with drugs. My bestfriend from back home did everything in her power to talk me out of it, but i didn't listen. Once i did my first hit of extacy that was the end of it. I woke up the next morning, over drew my bank account and bought more. I was instantly craving the feeling it gave. <br />
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I ignored my friends phone calls, blew off taking trips to see her, ignored her. I even chose doing drugs over going to see my grandfather, a week later he passed away. I lost my bestfriend. She tried so hard to keep me the good person i was, and i threw that all away to have a good roll or trip with my new friends. Drugs destroyed me. I have now been drug free for 7 months and boy do i crave a good trip. It sucks so bad. I want to do it so bad, but i know not to. <br />
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Also my bestfriend no longer talks to me, she gave up on me because i wasnt smart enough to learn on my own. Im so happy to hear tht you were the bigger person and stayed friends with him. He is very lucky and i hope he loves you for being there. I, on the otherhand am drug free and friend free. I not only lost all my friends from back home, but when i gave up drugs i lost all my new friends.