My Little.brother.and My Buddy!I lost my brother on jan 5 2012 to small cell carcinoma, lung cancer. I am 48 and he was 45. We were best buds growing up and I remember taking on the neighborhood bully because he was trying to beat him up. I don't know that I Much of a difference because
I am a girl but
I always tried to protect my brother. This time however I could not protect him. I was able to help care for him for
9 months and I was able to let him know how much I
Loved him so I have no regrets in that respect. I watched him die a horrendous death and I still relive
The last few hours over and over again. At first when he was diagnosed I told him to fight. After watching him suffer so bad on the last day I told him it was okay to stop fighting that me and the family would be okay we just didn't want to watch him suffer anymore. I. Know my brother is in Heaven But my life is not the same without him I miss-him every hour of everyday . I have become bitter and I don't know why or how to over come this bitterness. There is a whole in my heart and I don't think it will ever heal. I'm tired of being sad but I don't know how to over come this sadness. I realize I am still alive because God has a purpose for me and that purpose has not been fulfilled yet. However I can not for the
Life of me figure out what that purpose is, so I will continue to pray and trust that one day God will reveal his purpose to me. I will continue with my life but afraid it will always be a sad life for
Me. I love and miss my brother so much it hurts.