I Lost My Baby Brother To Suicide....

My brother was barely 18 years old the day he decided to hang himself.  He did not have a mental illness, just the product of a 17 year marriage that ended in divorce.  Not sure how he was in so much pain that he did not think we could not help him, we loved him so much!!  He was the best brother ever!  How sad and in pain was he to do this to himself....the hopelessness he must have felt :(  I miss him everyday...it has been 12 years today and it feels like yesterday; the pain is so deep and this I have to say is the worste year since he died for me anyways.  I miss him so much and just want to hug him and tell him how much I love him and miss him and tell him just how much he means to me and that I am sorry for letting him down because I was supposed to be his protector, I am the "big sister" I was the last one to see him that day and I had NO CLUE :(  so sorry Timmy, I have much pain to deal with for not knowing, so I could save and help you...so many "what if's"   :(     :(    :(    Now I am stuck with this pain until I see him again, wow I do not wish this on anyone.  Timmy, You will forever live in my heart, I love you!!
lovebugs1118 lovebugs1118
31-35, F
Aug 12, 2010