I Didn't Know He Hurt But I Shoul Have

On july 25th my phone rang it was my older brother he was upset and crying my heart sank i knew something was wrong my little brother tyler had shot himself in the head he killed himself i can't help but feel like it is my fault i should have been there for him i should have know he was sad he texted me a week before it happened i never texted back i was busy at work and figured i would talk to him later now i never will it is so hard to think maybe if i just would have called and said i love you he might still be here i know all these thoughts just make it harder but i can't help it.i just keep repeating the same words im sorry buddy i failed him and there is nothing i can do about it
lynnie23 lynnie23
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 11, 2010

It has been 11 years since I lost my brother. It hurts still. Months before he shot himself he had called me and told me he was going to kill himself. I talked to him for hours that night, refusing to let him off the phone because I knew he was serious. I lived in Wisconsin at the time and he in Florida. My sister finally found him and took the gun away. But a few months later he got hold of another one and this time I didn't get a call. I regret not going home after the first call and there is nothing I can do to change it. I hate myself for not going home when he called.

My little brother also shot himself in the head. I was with him the day before and I did tell him I love him. But I still feel like I failed him. It has only been 3 weeks. I understand how you feel.

I'm sure that your little brother knew you loved him. I know at the moment it's hard and you want to put blame on yourself but try and remember the good times with him. A suicide leaves many unanswered questions. I'm sorry for your loss.