Not Enough Time

I lost my brother on May 15th, 2008. It was late in the evening on a thursday and I remember my mother calling me and my sister downstairs and I had a sick feeling in my stomach. She looked as though she had been crying and I sat down next to her. Then she told us. "Randy was killed in a motorcycle accident." He had been driving on his motorcycle on the freeway and was coming off of an off-ramp and a car didnt see him and he didnt see the car and they crashed, he skidded 100 feet and was still alive, but when he got the the hospital was pronounced DOA. It took awhile to sink in...finally I went upstairs and tried calling my best friend and her mom answered and said she wasnt available..so I told her what had happened as I tried not to cry. She said how sorry she was and I said thank you and then hung up and sat alone in my room. Then my sisters boyfriend called me to see how I was doing and to make sure I was gonna be alright. I didn't sleep well at all that night...the next day was a half day at school and I got up a little earlier and got out to the bus stop before my mom could come downstairs. I walked into school and walked down the hallway quietly until I saw my friends Steffanie and Sadie. I walked up to them and Sadie asked if I was alright and that I looked sick and then she felt my forehead and said I felt hot and looked really pale. Finally I broke and just hugged her and sobbed into her shoulder as I choked out the story. Soon a large crowd of people surrounded me making sure I was alright. Sadie then led me into the counselors office and he made everyone leave the room, then asked me what had happened. Uncomfortably I told him what had happened and then 3 of my friends who had just heard what had happened burst in and hugged me and asked if I was alright and I said yes and then he made them get out and then he decided to call my mom and have her take me home, although I asked him not to.  My mom came and I told her that I was fine and that I just needed to get it all out and that if I went home I would go crazy. So finally I convinced both of them to let me stay since it was only a half day. I went throughout the day with many people asking me if I was alright and that I could always talk to them and I just smiled and nodded and said thanks. On the 30th of may my mom, sister, and I drove down to Nevada for a funeral...the same place where almost 2 years ealier I had gone down for his wedding. My aunt flew down and we stayed in a hotel. My mom let me go down to the arcade to get my mind off things so I played games and then played lazer tag with strangers but somehow enjoyed myself...as much as I could for a time like that. The next day we went to the funeral, the day which was also his 36th birthday. They had pictures and one of his motorcycles there. It was an outdoor funeral just as it had been an outdoor wedding. People shared stories and music was played and there was laughter and tears. Then a motorcyclist/preacher shared as well. Later we went to my other brothers parents-in-laws house and it was just close family, So me and my sister listened to our other older brother and sister and cousin tell childhood stories about him and we learned a lot and laughed a lot. It brought us all closer together. It was a tragedy that never shouldve happened. It still kills me to think about it. I never had the chance to get to know him really well. I regret that very much. There will always be an empty space in my heart for him. I used to dream about when I was all grown up and how all of us kids would get together and share stories and get to know each other and bond and have fun times together. Those dreams were crushed in an instant. If I could have one wish, it would be to play a duet on the piano with my big brother. There wasn't enough time for them to correct that mistake, there wasn't enough time to make sure we had no regrets and to make final memories, there wasn't enough time to prepare ourselves for the pain, and there wasn't enoough time to say final goodbyes. To all you motorcyclists out there, please be smart and careful and be safe when you're riding and pay attention, because one small mistake can take your life and destroy the lives of all those you leave behind.  R.I.P Big Brother, You're Truly Missed
Akako12 Akako12
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 13, 2010

Im so sorry for your loss. I have a brother too, and i cant even begin to imagine the pain and the shock of losing him someday. But at least you have older siblings who you can talk with about their past with him, they can tell you personal childhood memories and things you never knew. <br />
You have so many people behind to feel and share that pain with. I hope it has gotten somewhat easier since that time, and i can only wish you the best for the future.<br />
good luck Akako :)