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Tragically Lost My Big Brother..

I was only 5 years old, and am 16 years old now. I was 5 years of age when i lost my big brother, he was 17 years old. He was everything to me, meant the absolute world to me, treated me like a complete princess and was the best brother anyone could wish for. Wierdly i dont remember many things from when i was 5 but i remember every single memory with my brother from the back of my head.
I was only 5, and was growing up a very spoilt happy little jolly girl, having the happiest family ever, then my brother got tragically murdered. At the time i didnt understand, all i knew was i wasnt going to see him again, and that he was up in heaven in a better place....

He had been stabbed numourous times, beaten, and died in the streets. It was too late by the time the police arrived. Im 16 now, and like i said i remember my big brother and all our memories from the back of my head. As i was getting older, i understood more, and now its traumatized me. Family life has changed so much, and there isn't a day when i dont shed a tear over my big brother. He had a heart a gold, he was loved by everyone, had so many friends, was a popular boy, and was just so kind-hearted, and so thoughtful for 16. He was mums best friend, like mums my bestfriend too, and he would walk miles with me just to go wherever i wanted, he did anything and everything for me..

It's hard having to deal with the fact he isn't hear anymore, and someones its hard to even cope..
He died 12 years ago now, and it seems that every day that goes by, its even harder and we miss him even more..

He didnt deserve to be killed, as they say the good ones die young, every day we all miss him more and more..
It;s even harder knowing some people just dont understand how it feels to lose a big brother, that meant everything to you, so its hard to explain how you feel. Sometimes i just want someone to cuddle me tight, and tell me, they know how it feels. Apart from my mum of corse, thats been there for me through everything, shes my bestfriend, my everything, and words cant describe how it must be for her, to live like this, which is why i dont like being upset around her. I don;t even like being upset around people, as most people i know do not know how it feels, especially to loose someone so tragically...

If i could make one wish, for it to come true, it would be to have my big brother back, all i keep thinking is about what COULD of happened now, what life would be like now, how different and happier life would be different now,
Words cant describe how amazing it would be to have a big brother to stand by your side through everything, to play fight with, to just share everything with, which is what i miss the most. It ruined our family, and still has up to this day,
i have a very lovely, happy family, but we will always be scarred by loosing someone so special, and sometimes its just hard to get into your head that this special person just isn't hear anymore...sometimes i just sit and cry until i feel asif i cant cry anymore, and i know i can feel him all around me...wherever i am.
God took the wrong person:(
It would be nice for someone to understand how it feels, its such a horrible loss, and has destroyed me so much, all i keep thinking is that one day... i'll see my brother again, in heaven, which is all i have to look forward to, to feel my big brothers touch that one more time...
leannegreenfield95 leannegreenfield95 16-17 Apr 12, 2012

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