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Not A Young Carer Any More.

My brother was severely disabled and I was one of his primary care givers. From a young age, I dedicated every waking moment to caring for him and making sure that he was happy and had everything he needed.
When he passed away just over 2 years ago it was the feeling of not having someone that depended on me any more that hurt the most. I felt like I had no reason to live any more, I didn't have my brother to look after so what was the point? and even now, there are still days where I sit around and think about what I'm here for.
I was in my own little world where only my parents, brother and I existed. Everything I did had him in mind. I had known nothing different and it was the life I loved.
It was the knowing that no matter what happened, my brother would always be downstairs and would always need me but know that's gone, I don't really know what to do.
My bubble was popped when my brother died and I guess I'm still trying to find my calling as such.
I always thought that I was put on the world to care for my brother but now he's gone, I don't know where my life is going to go or what I should do or be? It's like starting everything again and learning how to live in the real world and not my bubble that I lived in for 15 years.
There's not a single day that goes by where I don't miss my brother and the caring duties that came with him and I wouldn't change the 15 years I shared with him for the world.
He gave me the most amazing memories that I will never forget. The times we shared as a family will forever be etched on my heart and there is nothing and no one that will take that away from me.
I miss you John. And I love you to infinity and beyond.
mellysaurus mellysaurus 18-21, F Jul 31, 2012

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