Lost

My oldest brother was also 27 when he died.  Feb 5, 1999.  He rolled over on a country road and was ejected.  I have 2 other brothers one younger and one older.  We were all devastated at this loss.  He had been in prison for a couple of years for a parole violation and had been out for about 2 years when he died.  He had really just started putting a beautiful life together, had a girl he loved, was happy with life.  He was always such a ladies man and just a cooler, smoother guy than me and I always respected that.  He was also my inspiration to be a musician.  That is his legacy for me.  I play music knowing he is the reason and I think he helps me.  I think he watches me and hears what I play.  The worst part of losing someone suddenly is that you never get to say goodbye.  That's the part I can't get over.
ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
8 Responses Jun 4, 2007

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My condolonces for your loss, even 14 years later it still has a sting. What bothers me now is little things like that I can't remember what his voice sounded like. I just can't seem to hear it in my head. It makes me feel distant from him. But I also try to remember the good things, the happy times and that makes me feel better. It would be unfortunate to only ever feel dread and not remember the good things.

So sorry. My brother had a sudden heart attack and died as well. It is so hard to understand when they are here one day and gone the next.

Thank you so much for your support, obviously most people have a hard time even responding to stories like this, I'm glad you are understanding enough to comment. My heart goes out to you :)

The idea that my brother is still with me in some ways is something that comforts me as well. I have to try to make sense of his death somehow or give it meaning where there seemingly is none. Thanks for sharing :-)

I know just how you feel. Not being able to say goodbye to my brother is really hard. I have to just convince myself that he knew how much I loved and admired him and that he's with me in spirit and sees me cry.

that's a tough one ... my condolences to you and your family ...

I'm truly sorry for the loss of your brother and i am glad that you feel that he is watching over you, because i too believe that our loved one's, though they may be gone in body are still around and like you said watching over us. I don't know how i would handle a sudden death and not being able to say good-bye, that must hurt like h*ll. Keep playing your music, i bet he hears you playing and i hope it is of some comfort. Have you ever thought of writing a good-bye to your brother through your music? It might be somhow cathartic. Just a thought, either way as i said i am VERY sorry for your loss, i'm sure he misses PHYSICALLY being with you too. i hope that nothing i just said hurt you in anyway, sometimes i know when people haven't gone through a similiar expierence, we often think we are saying comforting things when infact we have said something hurtful. So i truly hope nothing i wrote, hurt you in ANY way. Keep enjoying the music, what a great connection to him!!