Suicide Is a Nightmare.

My big brother commited suicide a little mroe than a year and a half ago. I still havent gotten over it. He was 20 when he did it, and it happened the day before my 14th birthday. I was crushed. I couldnt believe he was really gone. I seriously cried for about a month straight. I refused to celebrate my brithday without my big brother there, and i couldnt talk at his funeral i was crying so hard. It was the hardest thing i have ever dealt with. I always tell people that I'm okay and i dont mind when they ask questions... but it breaks my heart. I miss him so much. He was the perfect big brother. I come from a big family; i still have 2 older brothers & 2 odler sisters but its not the same. it never will be. I loved him so much. so much more than he knew.

July 4th, the day before he killed himself he was over at our house celebrating. Everything was perfectly normal. and he was happy. When he left none of us gave him a hug :'( but we all exchanged "I love you's" Not giving him a hug that day is one of the biggest regrets of my life. He had gotten caught up with the wrong girl and they had been dating for over a year, she changed on him & started cheating on him. A whole situation happened with them and she filed for a restraining order on him (it wasnt even his fault) and he was following it and not talking to her when SHE would talk to him. But finally one night she found out about a party he was going to and followed him there, and went up to hima nd was alll over him. He couldnt resist anymore, he was in love with her. So he got caught back up in it and she started to set him up & he ended up in jail TWICE because of her. His court date was going to be soon, and it wasnt looking to good. He got into alot of drugs and alcohol and partying. He lost it. She ruined his life, he thought he had nothing else to live for. In his suicide note he said that he was going to kill her, but he ended up getting in a car wreck that night and had no way to get there (we believe that was a sign from God) but he ended up going back to his apartment and killing himself after my sisters (who lived with him) went to work. My momma found him...

It was the worst day ever. I always feel so alone. I have my other siblings, but it hurts too bad. I miss him. I want him to give me a hug, I want to talk to him again... I want to go back. Im scared for the rest of my life without him...


I love You.

Live In Peace


AbovetheViolence AbovetheViolence
Mar 26, 2009