For My Brother
I lost my brother when he was barely 5 years old. I was only 9 years old. He was my only sibiling (@ the time) & my best friend. I can remember every little detail of that day. I can see him lying in the hospital bed, my entire family crammed in his little room. All eyes were on him. I began to watch the monitor & slowly see his heartbeat decreasing. He is still. He is calm. I feel my aunt put her hand on my shoulder. I watch my grandfather walk out, he is to proud to cry in front of us. Then, all is silent. The tears begin to flow.
I'm too young, I do not understand. Why isn't somebody trying to prevent this? Where are all the nurses & doctors? Yet, nobody budges. It seemed like an eternity before we went home. I still had not shed a tear. Then as soon as I enter our house, I run into his room & lay on his bed. The emotions finally hit me & I begin to hug his pillow with all my might and rock myself on his bed. He is gone, and I don't undertand why. I eventually started to ask questions, but every time it just made my parents cry. I thought I was causing them more pain & decided to keep to myself.
To this day I still bottle up any negative feelings in the fear of making others upset. My parents adopted my little sister when I was 13. Because of the huge age difference I never have had a bond with her like I did with my brother. In a month it will be 20 years since my brother's death, yet it's the most vivid childhood memory I have. I will love you always & will never forget you. One day we will laugh again.