For My Brother

I lost my brother when he was barely 5 years old.  I was only 9 years old.  He was my only sibiling (@ the time) & my best friend.  I can remember every little detail of that day.  I can see him lying in the hospital bed, my entire family crammed in his little room.  All eyes were on him.  I began to watch the monitor & slowly see his heartbeat decreasing.  He is still.  He is calm.  I feel my aunt put her hand on my shoulder.  I watch my grandfather walk out, he is to proud to cry in front of us.  Then, all is silent.  The tears begin to flow. 

I'm too young, I do not understand.  Why isn't somebody trying to prevent this?  Where are all the nurses & doctors?  Yet, nobody budges.  It seemed like an eternity before we went home.  I still had not shed a tear.  Then as soon as I enter our house, I run into his room & lay on his bed.  The emotions finally hit me & I begin to hug his pillow with all my might and rock myself on his bed.  He is gone, and I don't undertand why.  I eventually started to ask questions, but every time it just made my parents cry.  I thought I was causing them more pain & decided to keep to myself. 

To this day I still bottle up any negative feelings in the fear of making others upset.  My parents adopted my little sister when I was 13.  Because of the huge age difference I never have had a bond with her like I did with my brother.  In a month it will be 20 years since my brother's death, yet it's the most vivid childhood memory I have.  I will love you always & will never forget you.  One day we will laugh again.

TheIdeaOfMe TheIdeaOfMe
31-35, F
33 Responses Aug 27, 2007

Such a moving story - you make me really appreciate my brothers. I'm so sorry you felt you had to bottle things up and really hope you've managed to re-learn to entrust others with yr difficult feelings - as it is not merely emotional support: it's life support, as crucial as any other. Regards, Aaron

As tears roll my heart goes out to all of you............i am so sorry for your losses.

I am very sorry for your loss, and I have experienced a similar event. I lost my baby brother when I was 7 years old. I too remember everything about that day, and I still find it hard to get over. My brother had a breathing problem and during the night he stopped breathing and the ambulance was called. They said it was just an error and that he would be okay to stay home. The next day the same thing happened but this time the ambulance was too late. When his birthday comes every year I run to the graveyard to mourn by myself and I find it very freeing and comforting. I wish you and your family the best,

This literally hit a spot in me that made me start crying. It makes me feel so fortunate that my sister and I never had to deal with something like that. But it makes me think of my niece (4) and nephew (2), and I never want them to go through something like that.<br />
My boyfriend woke up to me reading this, and just saw me bawling, and wondered what the heck was wrong with me, haha.

I am sorry for your loss, Its not good to keep things bottled up. Msg me if you ever wanna talk. Im new to this whole thing so idk how it works yet. But Id love to talk if you needed anything =]

This story truly touched me.I never got to meet my brother, who was killed in a motorcycle accident when I was 7 years old.They tell me you nevr miss what you never had.Somebody lied.There has not been a day that I have not thought of him.We were born in the same month also.Thank God, you were lucky enough to have been in his life, even for a little while.It hurts, still to this day, that he never met me.I will always miss him.<br />
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(The reason why I never met him was because we had different dads, and my mom still had not explained to me, that my other 3 siblings were my half siblings, so she opted not to let me know about him, seeing that he was raised by his dad.I will always resent her for keeping him a secret from me.That hurts.Still does.)

maybe she was taught to not talk about those type of things.... these days, society seems to be a open book. I know in my family it seems like everything is a big mystery, but my dad was born 78 years ago, back then society was way different.

My dad lost his brother 25 years ago this month. It was on July 1, 1986. My dad had just turned 20. His brother was not yet sixteen. My dad had actually been dating my mom for several months when this happened.

I lost my uncle when I was 6 and since then every time I think about it all I do is cry and all I ever want to do is see him again sometimes I ask god Why him did you have to take him and I feel like I just want to die!

I am really sorry about your Brother must be very hard but must remember he is still in your heart. I lost my Grandad few years ago which very hard for me i was very closed to him. It will be Birthday next month i never forget that date.

Im really sorry for that :( i havent lost any of my brothers, but i feel kind of guilty now for fighting with them, i guess that ill enjoy them more than i used to :)<br />
i hope u all the best, and congratulations for being so strong, u deserve the best :)

Thank you for commenting on my story. When I read it I really felt compelled to reply. So here it is....Siblings fight, it's a part of growing up. In fact, the very last thing my brother did to me was step on my foot on purpose as I sat at the table doing my homework. I remember being so mad at him. Then about 2 hours later we were rushing him to the hospital because he started vomiting blood. At that moment all that anger was gone, and the fear for my little brother's health settled in. By the next evening he had left our world and gone to a much better place. But, what I wouldn't give for him to be here again to stomp on my foot again. That second of pain was nothing compared to heartache after his death. So, with that, I just want to say always cherish your siblings/family and never let the fighting get to carried away where it distances your relationship with them. As long as you always remember to forgive, then you will be fine. And I also wish you all the best.

I lost my brother 23 months and 5 days ago, he died of a heart attack at the age of 55. I was the one who found him, he died in his bed asleep. I was left with most of his possessions and his pets. I am still in the process of selling off and donating his things. Every time I get rid of something it brings me to tears.

I'm sorry for your loss,at the time of your brother death your parenrt may thought that you could not understand what the cause of his death was and as time past by they just probably let time drift by, but I think that you should maybe go to them and ask questions about it, hopefully they are a little stronger now to explain.

@JapanNinja: My brother was diagnosed with aplastic anemia. Aplastic anemia s a blood disorder in which the body's bone marrow doesn't make enough new blood cells. He eventually lost his battle when he started to have internal bleeding that the doctors couldn't stop.

im really sorry, i can't imagine what it would be like if that happened to me, can i ask what he died of?

i miss my brother. he died twenty two years ago. i never got to say goodbye or tell him i loved him. i dreamt of him for years afterwards but haven't for a long time now. i hope he is watching over us.

víctor was my brother, he just finish his carrer, Architec, he vas 23, he died on june 20 of 2007, two days before he turn 24, thats my age now. i couldn´t say goodbye. that day was my photo shot of generation in the university, i was getting ready when i recive a msn for my mother, "call home", so i did, she told me that my brother had an accident and that he was at the hospital, i was in another town, so i went to he photo call, worried and disturb. i went home as quick as posible, i was arriving in the bus station, i get credit for my celular, and call mom, i was stand in a corridor, people passing by, and she told me he was dead. that mornig he was going to the town i was studying to check a construction, his boss didn´t found anothere way to carry my bro and other two, so they were in the back part of a chevrolet wagon. when they hit the higway, it was raining, the tree fly away, one broke his hip, the other only a scrach, victor walk, he just have pain, he never care about himself, when they reach the hospital, his pain was bad, he get into a coma, my parents, just say goodbye to him, they call me, they call my older sister that lives in mexico city. <br />
Now two years after, i´m his age, i have a newly nice from my sister, my parents are not the same, they still buy things for him, for his room, toys that he would like, they are better but i know never are going to acept it, his friends and his university teachers visit us regulary. <br />
The best time whe spend as brothers were when i went to study in other town, he let me grow in his mind, we were friends, we spend friday nigths talkin about our week. Ono or two months before he ask me if i think that he was a god brother, i answer with a joke, but he know that he was a good brother, a protective and a gelaous one. He took one important tradition, our birthday was always celebrate in one party, some years on fathers day, i was born on june 17, he two years before, on june 22.<br />
i will nevere understand, i only like to think that his job was done, he touch several lifes, bringing hope, being a guide, and example in his carrer, a person that was in love, that reach a big dream. <br />
víctor is always on my mind, he is alive in me, i love my carrer the way he love his, and it keep us together, i´m a journalist in mexico, i have travel, i have seen his face in the sky. he teach me to play, to drawn, to be sincere, to lie, he teach me efort, he told me that parents are humans too, that life is not pink, but you can paint it the way you want. he teach me to support, to hate and to forgot. even now he is teaching me to live, to make and to reach everyting i want. <br />
i know that he was not perfect, that he was a kid, that he was human, but i will always remember the nigths playing pool in the house and the night of haloween that he cover me when olger guys trow water whit pica pica, the movies, series and programs that we wach, and that in my mind he is going to always being alive. <br />
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time has pass for you, your brother were so much younger than mine, but i know the bound of brotherhood. don´t let his memory pass, speak with yor parents, look for old pictures, discover how they saw him, what was for them, why he die. you know a part of your brother, your parents know other part. and when you done, live your life at maximun cause you can.

Fool2think, I must tell you that the grieving for the loss of a child is unlike any loss I've ever had to go through. It's unlike losing my parents or grandparents or siblings, not that the loss of these people aren't greatly felt. They are as you well know. But I must say that maybe, just maybe, you blame yourself somehow. Maybe you never gave yourself permission to go on when your brother could not. I asked myself the age old question, "if you knew the outcome, would you do it all over again?" Fool2think, I would do it in the bl<x>ink of an eye! I think you would too. Your son will grow to be an amazing person with you at his side to guide him, so give yourself permission to enjoy his life. And if you listen very carefully I think you would hear your brother say that he wants you to go on too. Blessings, Fool2think, to you and your family.

I'm sorry man, I was 8 and I lost my brother who was 13...that was back in '90; I still remember all the times growing up, all the laughs, all the sibling beatings *smile* of life to you and yours.

Lostfooting, I am terribly sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes. It is so hard to lose any close member of your family, but the loss of your spouse or your children would have to be the most unbearable. I am always very fearful of losing my son, & I know it's because of my past. I see so much of my brother in my son and it makes me miss him so much more. My son just started kindergarten yesterday & my brother only went to kindergarten for a week and a half before he passed away. Seeing my son so eager about his first day flood my mind with the memories. I have now learned how to talk about my brother, especially with my son. He speaks of his Uncle quite often & how he thinks they would like to play with the same kind of toys. I'm glad that I am now able to keep his spirit alive into the next generation of our family.

I lost my daughter this year, not six months ago, and I can tell you that I want to die too. However, for my children I try to keep in as much as I can my negative feelings. That doesn't mean I don't want to talk about her, I miss her so much and I know that her brothers miss her too. It's important for me to know that other people remember her. I'm afraid they will forget. Talk to your parents about her, let them know how you felt at the time and how you feel now. I think they would like to know and you might be surprised to find out how they were afraid to UPSET you. Good luck and don't be afraid to keep his memory alive. It validates his worth and yours.

Heartbreaking... my thoughts are with you today.

I am very sorry to hear that. I lost my dad when I was four years old . I can understand your feeling.

That's so sad. I'm sorry for your loss. )=

Thank you all for your comments, they are very heart felt & warming. My heart goes out to all of those who have also lost a loved one in their life. I know it's the circle of life & all of us must eventually perish, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Just a few weeks ago, it was the 21st anniversary of my brother's death. It was extremely hard for me this year because my son is now 4 years old, & so much that he does reminds me of my brother. & yet at the same time I am so nervous about what if I lose him too. I know I can't live my life on the "what ifs," but they sure know how to make my imagination run away from me. & usually my imagination runs into nightmares.

I am very sorry for your loss. I have also lost people that were dear to me. I believe that we need to live for them and "through" them. They are watching over us and are with us every step of the way.

In traumatic situations in life we are not sure how we are supposed to react. My husband was adopted at 18 months of age and there is a lot of question about what happened to him those first 18 months. His biological mother was a drug addict. She passed away about two years ago, I could have contacted her and I didn't because of my husbands wishes. I have always wanted closure for him about who his real father is and what really did happen. My point in this if you would still like to have answers please try to get them, don't wait until it is too late. I would love to help you with this process if you need it. <br />
Also, some very good things were a result of his death it is sometimes hard to realize them but try. Your sister probably would have never come into your family and I'm sure that there were people he knew or touched in his death that were changed forever in a positive way.

I also lost my brother when I was young. We were four years apart. My parents had two families, my older siblings were 16 and 10 years older than me. My brother had been sick for a long time and I was the one who found him on the day he died. I can understand all of what you said. It doesn't get better, but it does get easier to remember him. For me, it has been 32 years since that day.

I, too, lost a brother. Is it too late to talk about him now with your elders who also knew him? It was too painful then, but now I find talking about my brother and laughing over things he would find funny keeps him alive in the family as he is already in all of our individual thoughts.

I am sorry for that my friend, I can imagine how hard it feels...I've never had a brother, but I knew what it feels like with interexchanges, and saying goodbye to them was very difficult for me...I hope you keep well in your life

I lost my brother almost 10 years ago now (he died 2 December 1998) to a heroin overdose. I have never recovered from this. It still seems like yesterday when I got the news he had died. My own little theory about this (for what it's worth) is that a part of us gets stuck in that one moment in time. We age, and grow and progress, but a part of us can never move on from that moment.<br />
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I miss him every day. I wish I could see him, just one more time. I know we will meet again. I know how you feel.<br />
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Lots of hugs, Tense.

you story is trully heart touching. i see you have a very strong and solid memory of your brother, and the time you both spent together was enough to prove he was the brother you ever wanted, and inded your best friend in friendship and blood.<br />
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i can`t imagine such a loss, it would to be too great to handle, as much as the loss of a loving life partner.

you story is trully heart touching. i see you have a very strong and solid memory of your brother, and the time you both spent together was enough to prove he was the brother you ever wanted, and inded your best friend in friendship and blood.<br />
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i can`t imagine such a loss, it would to be too great to handle, as much as the loss of a loving life partner.

I am so sorry for your loss. We can never replace the ones we have loved, we can only honor them by remerging why we loved them so much. It was wrong of you family to burry those good memories with the tragedy of watching him die. Good luck to you.