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Tragically Lost My Oldest Brother.

My oldest brother was 13 years older than me, and I always did look up to him.

In March of 1987, I received a phone call from a friend, telling me that my oldest brother was dead.  I presumed that he had been killed in a motorcycle accident, since on weekends he and a group of fellow riders would go to the desert, east of San Diego, California and ride.

The shock came when this friend told me that my brother had taken his own life.  The story that I was given, was that he had not been feeling well and had gone to see a doctor for some tests.  It turned out that he had been diagnosed with cancer.  Because our mother had died from cancer, he had always said that if he were to come down with that disease, he would not suffer the way our mother had.  I had just seen him three months earlier and he seemed to be in perfect health, although he was withdrawn, more so than I'd ever seen him.

The tragedy in this, was that because of the nature of his death, an autopsy had to be performed and the pathological findings indicated no evidence of cancer in any form.  It turned out that the original diagnosis had been a gross error, made by two separate doctors.  I filed a malpractice law suit against both doctors, but it amounted to nothing.  Both doctors were exonerated.

This is by far the worst way that anyone can lose a family member.

risenphoenix risenphoenix 66-70, M 8 Responses Mar 13, 2010

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@risenphoenix...how did you manage to do any work since then?...i lost my elder brother two weeks ago..i know u'd understand what i'm feeling...did u enjoy anything after that? did u see ur brother in dreams or talk to him in any way...? i feel so lost and blank inside...i just want him back...i don't know what to think...do..how to act...

i also lost my older brothernlast year due to suicide, he wad 9 years oler than me and i awalys looked up to him. i feel allnyour pain, but it doesnt seem to be getting any easier, i dream of him all the time and feel hes trying to speak to me in my dreams. x

Samurai...It is a helpless feeling when you receive a phone call telling the circumstances. You don't know whether to be angry or sad. The emotions are overwhelming.

This is awful. What an agonizing way to lose a brother.

My thoughts are with you, anniversarys can be very painful.

Faucon...thanks so much. If you read the other comments you know that even though it was 23 years ago, this month, the pain is still there.

RainDancer..I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I know how difficult it is. Even though my brother died 23 years ago, I can still recall it as if it happened only yesterday. The pain never goes away. Hugs to you for your loss. Just stand strong. That's what your brother would want.

I know how that feels I just lost my brother 12-8-09 I want to go with him I still want to be by his side today hugss to you from my heart..

Thank you fruit for your comment. Even though it was 23 years ago, sometimes it seems as if it only happened yesterday. One never gets over a death such as that.