The Day My Brother Died
My little brother, Tyler, was five years younger than me. I remember the day he was born and the very first time I saw him in the nursery. When I arrived at the hospital and looked at him through the nursery glass, it felt magical. He looked back at me and smiled. I yelled excitedly to my dad, "He just smiled at me!" My dad told me that he just had gas.
I remember the last time I saw him about five weeks ago just as vividly. He was 19, a college student, and had driven home one Thursday evening just to hang out with his sis. We had great conversations that night discussing his future plans, I helped him fill out his FAFSA, and in the course of that evening he told me something. He told me, very frankly and confidently, that he was going to die. He woudln't make it to see the age of 21. I was upset with him for saying this and told him to shut up. I told him he was going to be the uncle to my children someday and I would be devestated if he died. My brother stayed the night at my house that night. He slept with my dog in his room. I awoke before him the next morning and before I left, I went to his room, told him goodbye and told him to send me a text message when he made it back to school so I knew he got back safely. I then left. My brother did send me that text message telling me he made it home ok.
About a week later, Tyler left to go on the spring break trip with five others that he had been so excited about. On this trip, he and his friends would be traveling from the midwest to the west coast by car. I was worried about him going after the comment he had made to me about his premonitions of death. I kept telling myself to call him to make sure he was ok, but set those feelings aside. The next morning after he left on his trip, I awoke in a strangely pleasant mood at 7:00 am. I later found out that this was around the time my brother later died. I fell back asleep, and met up with a friend for a manicure and pedicure. Just another normal day. Then, as I was traveling to meet up with my future mother-in-law to look at wedding decorations I got a phone call from my dad. This was about 12:00 pm. He asked me to come home right away. His voice sounded normal, but I knew something was wrong. I immediately started crying and asked, "Is it Tyler?" My dad told me to just get home. The 15 minute drive home was awful. I called Tyler over and over and was screaming and crying. I knew something was wrong with him and he wasn't answering the phone. I thought to myself, "Maybe he's in the hospital and he will be fine." When I arrived home and opened the door, I heard my dad on the phone with the medical examiner and in the course of their conversation I heard the words, "Tyler's body." That was the worst moment of my life. I lost all control and felt as if I was going to have a heart attack. My two other siblings, my father, and myself then had to tell my mom what had happened. I will never forget that moment.
Now, about three and a hafl weeks after Tyler's death. I am trying to wrap my mind around everything. Tyler was the only person out of six people in the car that died. The driver fell asleep at the wheel. I am feeling all of those emotions they tell you a grieving person feels. I feel a hole in my heart and a numbness at the same time. I can't understand why Tyler had this feeling that he was going to die. I don't even know how to describe my emotions these past few weeks. They have been emotional, nonexistent, and strange feeling all at the same time. I don't know what to expect the coming days, weeks or months....