My Daughter Died A Second Time
After sixteen years of a hellish marriages, I left in 2005. We have four children, currently ages 18, 16, 8, and 6. For the first 30 days after I left, my ex-husband refused to let me see the children and used this time to brain wash them. When I was reunited with the children, the two oldest were so set against me that they acted out in ways that became so unworkable that I had to have their dad come get them. They have ever since held this against me. Their dad has capitalized on this and made it a continual source of strife that he uses to alienate them for me. He will not let them get past it.
Due to the extent of alienation that the judge observed at the time of the divorce he made the unwise ruling that the two oldest children could decide if and when they wanted to see me. From December 2006, the day I asked their dad to come ge them, until June of 2009 we had little to no contact, despite my efforts. My children would literally see me in the store and walk in the other direction.
In 2008, my exhusband was indicted and place the blame on me once again. In retaliation he filed a custody modificaiton on me. This time somethings were actually rectified. The judge saw his alienation for what it was and called him out on it. The judge order that a reunification process begin for me and the older children. It was not progressing very well but in September of 2009, my ex went to prison. During my ex's absence it became necessary for me to take over custody of my oldest daughter. I also filed a custody modification case for full custody of all 3 children.
For 5 months, I had my daughter back. Things were pretty good and then unexpectedly my ex was released. The parenting coordinator was not around to coordinate the reintegration. The parenting coordinator had warned us that it could be harmful to my daughters progress if we were not careful with this process. Without my permission my daughter returned to her dad's custody abruptly and defiantly. She said she would return in couple of days but never did. I called the police to file custodial interference.
Due the back log in family court, the modification I had filed back in Sept. was not heard until yesterday. Even with the parenting coordinators report, stating who the alienating party is and detailing all the work my daughter and I had accomplished, the judge ruled against me getting 50/50 custody of my daughter. Not only did the judge not rule for me, he berated me for 45 minutes and labelled me the alienator. The judge did not focus on all that I done right only on the fact that I called the police. I felt like my daughter died again. That judge has no idea what he has done. He has returned everything to square one and given my ex-husband all the fuel he needs to continue to alienate and destroy.
I have been through this for 5 years now. My conclusions are: 1) There is no help in the courts, 2) The abuser always prevails and 3) My children will never have a normal life.