9 Years After DivorceNine years after my divorce, my ex husband and his new girlfriend started the process of alienation. At the time my children were 10 and 13. I had missed about 10 events in 9 years. My ex and I had an awsome relationship. We would sit with each other at games and events, even rode together to out of town events. But once he met this woman that all changed.
They met early in 2005, I was behind on my child support about $1,200. and was trying to get caught up. He started harrassing me about it, then tried to take my driving privilages away because of it. My attorney made arrangements with Child Support Recovery, so then he started taking time away from me. In the divorce, I only had every other weekend, and every other holiday, but for 9 years he allowed me to have them over night on Wed. So that was the first thing to go.
Then I would pick them up after school and he started making me wait until 6pm. When I talked to them on the phone it had to be on speaker. The children quit sitting with me at thier events unless it was my weekend, then, that stopped. If it was my weekend, they still sat with the new girlfriend and their dad. They began to ignore me when I would come to events.
They were in every sport, all year. This had always been, and I used to think at least I got to see them when it wasn't my weekend. Then the aggression from their father and his girlfriend started at events. They would corner me up against walls, forcing the children to watch, as they told me I was a piece of crap, how I didn't pay for the events and shouldn't be allowed to come. I was a hemmoroid that wouldn't go away and the children would be better off without me. My ex would have his fists doubled up threatening me and would force the children to watch. He harrassed school teachers, coaches, other parents. Everyone was afraid to help, no one wanted in the middle. They would plan extra sporting events on my weekends out of town, sometimes out of state and the children didn't want me to attend after about 8 months of this behavior.
I tried to get the kids in counseling, forcing it through the court system, only to find out they had been going for 4 months, in that 4 month time, my children had totally regressed. While at my house, they would just go to their rooms and not speak to me. It was very painful to see healthy emotionally children turn into scared children. Thier father began calling them the whole time they were with me, over and over asking if they want to come home. When I finally met the counselor, she told me about PAS. She started to try and get reunification going, they stopped coming.
The judge gave all rights to the counselor, she was supposed to distribute visitation back to me as she saw fit. I have pushed them into counseling with 3 different counselors since. They just stop going. They return cards, letters, gifts. I haven't seen them accept in counseling 5 times in 4 years. My daughter graduated High School last month, I didn't get to see it. My son will graduate in 3 years. Once again I will be taking my ex back to try and get my son in counseling, this seems to never end.
And as typical PAS, they haven't seen my other daughter in 4 years, nor have they ever met thier nephew and haven't seen thier niece since she was 3 months old. My parents got to go to the graduation, but they hadn't seen the kids for 4 years prior to that. When they showed up at my parents to give tickets to the graduation, my parents didn't even recognize them.
Heres an update. The woman who was his girlfriend, he married August of 2005. He beat her up infront of my children in 2007and was arrested for it. They were divorced Oct of 2008. She left him for the man whose child she was carrying. Yet the alienation still goes on.
I am no angel, but have been a recovering Alcoholic for 5 years. My children told their counselor they never remember seeing me drink. And for that I am greatfull. I owe any amount of sanity that I have through this to God, and the program of Alcoholics Annonymous. Thank you for letting me share.
esgypsy 41-45 18 Responses 1 Jun 22, 2010