Anyone Else Lost Their Child To Depression And/Or Parental Alienation Syndrome

I had a serious bout of depression 8 years ago at the breakup of our family life which resulted in me admitting myself for help.(to try to speed up  my recovery).   I was the one who had to leave because it was my ex's house and I left my only son with him because I truly thought that was the best thing for him at the time, even if it was only temporarily .  Although, the split was supposed to be amicable and I had still expected to see my son daily, my ex quickly changed the locks  to the house once I'd gone to hospital and stopped me picking my son up from school and using my mental ill-health against me.  Although, up until last year, I was seeing my son every couple of weeks I haven't seen him for a year now because, on trying to assert myself when feeling stronger, his father has now brainwashed my son into thinking that I'm mental and he told me he would not see me unless I went back on medication.  The truth is I was actually fine then but this always happens when I try to fight for more rights with my ex, he realises I've become stronger, and he does all in his power to bring me down again so he keeps the upper hand.

I feel so hopeless as a mother and ashamed that I can't f ight for my son's needs in any way, that I feel I'm not worth him seeing me anyway so. although we are e-mailing regularly now, I have not even suggested we meet up.  I feel I have ruined my son's life and that I should have stayed in the miserable situation I was in with my ex for many years to at least be with my child still.  I really didn't think my ex would be this cruel and to carry on being so cruel for so long.  I feel I'ven ruined my son's life.  I think about him all day long and don't feel capable of working at the moment as my concentration on anything else at all is so poor.  Things weren't supposed to t urn out this way and I worry so much about what my son's going through and how it's affecting him.

Anyone else in a similar situation in Hampshire/Dorset area especially.


jillby jillby
3 Responses Mar 27, 2012

So sorry for everything you and your son have been through. Please don't give up on him.<br />
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If you have a second, please check out our website at I'm confident you'll find information and resources you'll find valuable.<br />
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Hang in there...

Hi yes pls stay strong & try & make time for you do things that make you smile or happy ,i feel it sink or swim as my post above says i also had simular situation i want to try n make sure that dispite everything that's gone wrong i'm gonna not let anyone take my life happiness away.<br />
Like i say my teenage girls have turned againest me n t one i was closest to has now turned the cruelest she only just yesterday wished me dead.I have been advised by solicitor to take time out to de-stress but don't leave t family home for good so am between marital home & friends ,so lucky to have friends as my family are no support either. l m trying to divorce but it's one bad news after t other am just over t threshold for legal aid n my shared mediator who i only saw once, she advised me to get counciling 1st, well according to my ex husband she advised him to change joint accounts to sole ,this has left me in financial hardship as i have only a part time job 10hours, i have taken my wage out of joint now but i am waiting 4 him to make complaints that am not paying t mortage etc.I have lost in mediation as being impartial.

Hi it's really tough i feel for you so much my story is simular am going through parental alienation too,also i suffered with work/marriage stress which resulted in me having to take medication which i fought hard to stay on a low dosage i had to take it for a year & managed to persuade mental health i can do without i rebuilt myself by determination to go back to work & re-learn how to drive ,i was low in confidence & self esteem.I have been off med for a year i hated being on it as i could' nt function well or even stand for long.<br />
I have teenage girls which are 15 & nearly 17yrs they have taken sides with their dad.<br />
I had to get away from my partner for my own sanity unfortunately things with my partner were unbearable he was also using my past illness againset me he was trying to intimidate me ,make me feel insecure in my own home by saying the doors were left unlocked and playing mind games with my insecurities , i had a fear that someone was out to harm or get me ,we had made an informal agreement to stay since marriage 1999 for the sake of the children he made excuses not to leave the home as he could'nt afford it ,i like a sucker i took pity on him even tho he could easily stayed with his parents.<br />
Now years later am paying big time.