Hope This Story Will Give People Hope!!

I am going to school for social work and my research paper is on parental alienation. I have a story to share that I hope will lift your spirits. I have four children who are now 24, 23, and twins who are 20. The twins are from a different father than the older two. I am sure if you are going through alienation at this time you know their is so much to these stories.

I am going to start with the part that my ex-husband was on his fourth marriage and had another child other than the twins. He took me to court when the twins were nine years old. After a year of fighting it out in court the judge who was a criminal judge before she became a family judge ruled that the the father of the twins would be awarded full custody. WOW! I never thought in a million years I would lose the twins. My attorney assured me that the only way I could lose them was to be proven an unfit mother, and that was never done. The judge said to me you have four children and have your hands full and your ex husband has no children and is married so I am granting him custody..this was not a divorce it was a custody battle and they were living with me in school happy. Well than the alienation started i fought with every penny and sweat I had to see my children. They lied to court, they lied to my children. and I went a whole year without seeing them until court finally said visitation is to start again. That lasted six months and my kids wrote me letters saying they didnt want to see me and went in front of the judge saying they didnt want to see me. Wow i have never seen anything like this..My kids would not talk to there brother or sister, grandparents or anybody on my side of the family. So with the kids being 14 I just let it got hoping one day they would come to me. Well this is what I want to say. I went 5 years without talking to my twins. On April 10th, 2011 my son texted me! I didnt know who it was until he said this is Kody your son. I sat on the floor and cried, cried, and cried. The next morning I went with my other two children and seen my son. My son has nothing to do with his father and stepmother and has tried once since 2011 to have relationship, but they are so controlling and want it there way only. Well his sister my daughter on Sept30, 2012 called me also. She moved out of her dads house as well. Both of my kids have told me stories now of how it was the past five years. They were not allowed to talk about me and if they did they had to call Me Lori. they were told I didnt pay child support and neither of them knew that they had health insurance coverage under me. Unbelievable the stuff they went through. At this time on of the twins, my daughter is being sued by her father and stepmother because during her senior year they made her car payments and says she owes them that money so they are suiing her for that money. Neither of the kids talk to their father and I do not bad mouth those people, but I am here for my children. I have told them that a parent never disowns their children and it upsets me that their father had disowned them because they have relations with their mother. My kids are very emotional, immature, and have alot of issues. They have no life skills because they were so controlled their whole life that they don't know how to live. They both need counseling and my daughter has such low self-esteem but I am helping them each step of the way. I love my kids and never realized how empty my life was until the day i got the first call from my son!! One more thing the Dr. Phil show called me because I wrote them regading the twins dad suiing his daughter. Well when the Dr. Phil show called their father he screamed at them and told them never to call him again. So we couldnt share our story because have to have both sides I wanted so bad to share our story about what parental alienation and the affect it has on the children. It is child abuse and it mentally, emotionally, hurts the children and it needs to be brought to the attention of the courts and judges in America. This is so damaging to our children.

lorinda1968 lorinda1968
41-45
9 Responses Dec 12, 2012

I'm praying for any advice. im so devastated. hes denied all my monitored visits and even family members. 85% out of his mouth about me is a way he deflects his anger and numerous types of DV. I finally received my divorce after 5 years. my son and other 3 adult kids grew up watching the demeaning, abusive way he publicly emotionally crushed me. they moved in full time with their dad because they were upset they couldn't protect me and as they grew bigger they were afraid they would fight him to protect me. this was there step dad. I was terrified to leave him, but finally did after he stockpiled guns. CPS came to take me and my then 10 son to a safe house as over 20 people reported the daily abuse. lots of money and lies and he has our son , and hes becoming like him...2 yrs prior his 10 year older half brother "snapped" and beat him with a Hockey stick-hes a AAA travel hockey player for years. im terrified to file charges on over 75 contempt and threats for me and my families safty, but I will do whatever it takes with no lies even if I lose my life. I live in OC, CA

I am sorry about not responding to everybody I used my government email address and it will not let me recover my password so I have changed to lorinda68.

Hi Lorinda
I just want to ask you about the constant denials. Did your children deny that they were being controlled and programmed to reject you?
I have a 17 year old son and a soon to be 15 year old daughter. Things went downhill quickly once my ex re-married. The step mother has no children and I truly believe she was so insecure that I was the mother of his children that she worked very hard to become my daughter's bff. I just wanted my children to adjust to the divorce and be happy so I never made an issue of them having contact with my ex's side or the new wife .IT turns out that for all these years my daughter (moreso than my son) has been brainwashed. She tells me I was never there, we never had a good relationship and that the step mom is a mother figure, not me.
It's as if history has been re-written and it's enough to drive you insane .I know what kind of mother I've always been.
Yesterday we started counseling. When we got there she said she only came because her dad and step mom told her to and that she wanted to convince me that they are not brainwashing her. Great! She wasn't there to work on our relationship. She said there is no purpose to us having a relationship and I do not contribute anything to her life.
Where is all this craziness coming from????? I was the one there all the time when her dad was out. The truth is I divorced him because I was alone with the kids all the time.
The reason I so believe that Parental Alienation is at work is that she exhibits all the symptoms...I am 100% bad and he is 100% good. She is an "independent thinker" and made the decision to reject me on her own.
Does any of this sound familiar?

I am so sorry that I havent responsed but i could not log back on so I am not under lorinda68..I want to tell you to hang on and that my children would not even talk to their grandparents, their sibling or anybody and this started after my husband married is wife who cannot have children. The facts are now finally coming out. My son tells me that they were told I owed thousands of dollars in back child support and that I did not want anything to do with them which of course was all lies. They still are lying today. Neither of the twins are talking to their father or stepmother or anyone on that side of the family today which is been 6 mos for my twin daughter and 18 mos for my twin son. The stories about alienation sound almost alike. The hurt I went through trying to accept that my children didn't want me. My daughte went to court and told the judge right in court that I was nothing to her and had not been there for her and didn't deserve to be at her high school graduation. The judge finally took my side for once and said it your brothers choice if he wants his mother at his graduation and let me go to their graduation. She had a restraining order against me. I am telling everybody please never think it is the children. They are being manipulated and they may think this is how they feel but its really not. This sounds so familiar. Just try the counseling you need some alone time with her without her father and stepmothe. I wish you the best.

Thank you for your story. I'm currently in court after years of being cook, housekeeper and all things woman. Of course now I'm being punished for not being a stronger woman and take the abuse. My only regret is not having been able to take my children with me. I hope I'll have positive relationship with my babies in the long run.

Just keep believing and I went four years without one peep from my children. I could not take the abuse of my kids, and their fathers family. Even though I tried so hard not to believe my children when they were 17 I wondered how I would feel when they came looking for me. Could I turn them away? Oh, the day my son called me I cried so hard. I called everybody in my family at 1 and 2am in the morning.. I never knew how much I loved and missed him until the day he called me.

My children's father is an extremely manipulative man. A parental assessment happened and I found out afterwards that the social worker could be easily bought. He based his recommendations on the personal opinions of the father's girlfriends and his mother. When we went to court the judge was totally against me and said that my looking after my son was me "orchestrating" things. The father clearly just wants the money but doesn't spend it on the children. It has been five years and I would love to receive a text, e-mail, phone call or even a show up at the door. I write to my children all the time without them writing back. I have had the doctor's receptionist ( and that is another story as the father changed the family doctor without my knowledge or consent even ) the receptionist questioned me on my children's mother. How bizarre is that? Then I learned that for the last four years a teacher at the High School believed there was a restraining order against me. Again how bizarre is that? I told her that we have Joint Custody and judges don't give joint custody when there is a restraining order. The man has manipulated so many people and my children as well!!!! I pray that my children come to be sick of their father's lies and manipulation and control!!!!!

oh Hunii, my heart goes out to you. I am struggling with my EX for over 13 years, my son was 11 months and my daughter was a month short of her 3rd bday when he kidnapped them, and told horrendous lies...I was able to get custody only because my sister was behind me and told me to have an attorney THAT Monday morning after he had kidnapped them Friday typical weekend night...Worse weekend of my whole entire life and the cops were involved with it, as were the courts!! (His family is prominent in the county and hold several seats , etc) but thats another story in itself. But you can see how no matter what i do, it useless when you face a politically corrupt & paid off court system.
I would like to talk with you more as Im whirling with not having my kids for Christmas....

Thank you for this story, it gives me hope. I am happy you were reunited with your children, I only hope this happens for me too! Your story brought tears to my eyes. You are a strong person to push through five years.

Thank you so much !! I never thought this moment would come and it came way sooner than I ever imagined. I have learned so much about what happened to my twins when they was with their father and stepmother. They have no life skills and my daughter has very low self-esteem. I just love when they put on facebook "love my mom and so thankful for all she does for me" Don't ever give up on your children!

Thank you. I live in Cloverdale, B.C. and I feel like the judges have no idea what Alienation is. I finally have trial coming up in January and it's been so hard. I hope that I regain access before it gets to the point where my Girls were where your twins were at regarding not wanting to speak to me. It gives me hope that one day (worst case) they will call me and want to be in my life. :) How are you all doing now?

Thank you for sharing this story lorinda. I believe many of us wait for our children to grow up and get out from under the shadow of the alienation. It's the only hope we have in some cases.