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Just Getting Started

The first time I ever knew real love is when I was 27. I gave birth to a beautiful boy. Now, 27 years later he isn't speaking to me. There is a long, twisted, sad but also times sometimes beautiful and happy story leading up to his birth. And until today. It would take hours to tell, and there are much more dramatic and interesting stories on here. Sometimes it feels like a Shakespearean tragedy!! It's a story that I'm not sure would be believed. Sometimes I can't even believe it myself!!
All I know is that my son and I, as well as my daughter and I, used to have good, healthy, loving relationships. But a force for what I can only call "evil" came between us and drove them away from me.
I love my daughter very much also! She came a couple of years after her brother and was a delight from day one! But today marks the 5 year anniversary of her bitterly disowning me with no warning or valid reason.
If I could explain the pain - no. I cannot. All I know is that I can't believe I'm still alive.
It's not just pain. It's also confusion, loss, disbelief. These kids loved me! Everyone knew it!!
But now somehow I am suspect. Amazing how far the arm of bitter hatred and jealousy can reach.
I am OUTRAGED!! Someone DID THIS to my children on purpose! It's not because of anything I have done, not to them anyway.
I never loved him. He was abusive and obsessed from the start. I looked elsewhere for love and understanding. He knew it, but would never ever say a word. He married me anyway. Not long after the kids arrived he let his inner monster all the way out, with the help of alcohol. I had to get away for my own sanity. Millions upon millions of women throughout time know that feeling.
More next time.
ladyfuschia ladyfuschia 51-55, F 3 Responses Jan 9, 2013

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I have not seen my son for 2 weeks and I can relate to your story. Should I fight? This is a definite case of Parent Alianation. I am so sure, but my lawyer disagree. The battle is about to start. I am worried the longer he stays at dad the harder it will be to get him. I am in Texas.

Not to be rude, I completely wish you luck, but are you surprised?

Children, especially those from homes where one family member isn't that ideal (I'm guessing the father), have been traumatized to the point trust cannot be rebuilt. Perhaps they blame you for something. The most important thing is for a mother to fight for her babies. And you have to prove that love in anyway you can.

Although I don't know the details of the story, you can't blame them. Some people are ingrateful (even people you love), others have actual plausible reasoning for cutting communication, my advice is that you have to find them, and just listen to what they have to say. Then, help them see how you saw things, and mend the relationship from then on.

Obviously they mean a lot to you since they are on your mind. Its awful for a mother to lose her kids. Fight, fight, fight, but keep open ears for when they do arrive.

It is a VERY complicated story, and I hate that my children had to deal with what they did. They were hurt very badly by their father and stepmother, who were also sometimes perfectly normal and even healthy to them. There was a lot of interaction with extended family with them, not so much with me because my family is far away and mostly dysfunctional. I actually tried to spare my kids from my family, at least until they were old enough to stand their own ground. And I saw them regularly and we had great times together for so many years. I never dreamed things would turn out like this, but I know that I have to let them make the first move. There aren't many options!! I know that if my financial circumstances were better and had a nice home they could come to that would increase my chances. I have been on disability for 9 years and have some health problems, but none that they really even know about. Well, I hope and pray and visualize a happy reunion, but it's not going to happen until they feel strong and independent and can stand up to their dad and his wife who do not want them loving me or even contacting me. It's ridiculous....the hatred, bitterness, and jealousy!!

I completely understand. I really do wish you luck and when they do appear into your life, which I pray they will, you have to tell them how you feel and what you've been through. Everything happens for a reason, maybe try to look them up in the yellow pages?

I did call my daughter recently and she is still angry at me, said something mean and then hung up. I feel like continuing to try to reach her just makes her more angry! And my son....oh I feel like sometimes that he misses me, but I know he does not want to talk about issues that have hurt him very much. I don't want to go much longer this way, especially if either one of them has kids! I can't really do anything right now to change things, but who knows? Maybe that will change! Thank you for your concern - it is appreciated!

Have you ever tried writing them letters explaining your side of things and the hurt you feel at losing them? I don't know the details of your story, but letters are a way to get everything out there.

Thanks for your concern. They have built walls around them and refuse to communicate with me. I think that in time they will reach out. I have to be patient and trust in the power of love!

As I said, a letter explaining your side is a way for YOU to communicate with THEM. Give them a reason to reach out that they didn't have before. What you have to say might be something they have never considered.

The problem is, I literally do not know where they live!! I sent a birthday card to my son last October but he returned it with no forwarding address. I haven't known my daughter's address in over 4 years. They have both blocked me on facebook and email and cell phone. Not sure if my son has blocked me because he never answers or responds or anything. I did try mailing him some things that I hoped would open up a conversation, but he was very angry. He is very sensitive but doesn't like to talk about his feelings. Who knows him better than me?? But they have both changed so much. She seems like she is in severe denial about me and if anyone tried to challenge her reality, she might blow!! It frightens me! They both have tempers, and they're both smoking a lot of pot!!! I feel so helpless!!! But my love for them is SO strong!! I have hope!!