I Will Never Forgive Or Forget.

When I divorced my first wife after 12 years of mostly unhappy marriage I made the mistake of underestimating what a psychotic vengeful ***** she was. We had discussed divorce and I told her that I needed to not be married to her. She had cheated, lied, stolen, and even abused the children. She even had sex with my cousin, my sister-in-law and my brother. She quit her job but got dressed up as if she was going to work each day and bragged about it to her mother. She maxed out all of the credit cards on herself and her friends. She told me that she hated having children and needed to find herself so we agreed to have a no-fault divorce and got a lawyer to wrap things up. She moved out and left me with the children, girls ages 13 and 8 who were my reason for living and working and the loves of my life.

One day shortly after she left I went to pick the girls up from school. They were gone! The school told me that they had a court order not to release any information about the children to me and an order barring me from being within 1000 feet of the school. The police ran me away. Within an hour or two I was served with divorce papers from her new lawyer. The ***** had accused me of molesting the girls and a judge barred me from seeing them. My heart was broken. I couldn't imagine life without my girls. She didn't even want them. She took them and lied because it was the only way that she could hurt me. After a year and a half of legal delays and accusations, including the judge demanding an explanation for my being the head of a coven of witches, spousal rape, hiding a vast fortune, being a drug dealer, domestic violence, and being raided by a swat team looking for drugs and weapons, I was forced out of my house. At the divorce hearing, I was told that girls should be with their mother. I was declared to be a non-person in their lives. I never saw them again since she had all the say on visitation. She told them that I had abandoned them and did not love them. 

The courts would not help me at all. But it is interesting that in time both girls attempted suicide more than once and the youngest was institutionalized for a while. The youngest contacted me earlier this year. She's married for the second time and off of medications. She told me what hell life has been and how her mother still meddles in her life. She asked why I didn't want to see them any more. She remembered that we used to have fun together. I'm a hard case most times but it made me cry to hear of her pain.

Forgiveness does not heal everything. My only regret is that I did not kill the ***** and give the children a chance at happiness. That is my personal hell.


tomt88101 tomt88101
56-60, M
4 Responses Dec 3, 2009

It has been a long and painful time for me as well , Its been two years I havent seen my four children a boy 16yrs. old , girl 14 yrs., boy 14yrs old not twins just very close in age and my 7 year old . he will be 8 yrs. Dec. 27th. , We where together for 17 years , married for 12 , very unhappy last 3 years of my life , like if it was a living hell , he was having many affairs at the end and I just couldnt take it anymore. And I loved my family but he never wanted to get help. I went to get a divorce and I lost everything, he had been planing the divorce for a long time . I had lost my mind and broke one of his lovers windows , my rage was out of control . But thank God no one died. I was claimed to be the worst person in the world and unfit to take care of my kids in the courts . The judge looked at me as if i was the worst person on the planet. but couldnt see that he was spanking the kids to lie and say things about me so he can win and not have to pay me alimony, half of our business i helped to work and child support . He lives with this other women who has a kid with her who is 6 yrs. old. . My daughter started cutting herself because she missed me. My boys all they did was cry a lot .The system doesnt care about this. we all suffered. I wish it didnt have to be this way . I was fighting in the courts for 5 years,he has full custody and he has all the say now and iam a victim of parental alienation syndrome , its horrible. He tells me the kids dont want to see me.I can never forget my children and I did make some mistakes , but using the kids as pawns is cruel in many ways down right abusive and conrolling. He wanted to come back and be with me because his girl was hitting our kids and was abusive. he said I had a great job a good place to live a new car and i had lost so much weight and that i looked good and he wanted us to get back together , I said no and thats when the punishing started , he said he never wanted to see me again or talk to me ever again. ever since he has forbidden the kids to see me. Except for occasional love songs and really wierd texts that dont make sense at very odd times of the nigh. I have come a long way. I know my kids still love me and one day they will come looking for me and your kids will come back to you guys too. My heart goes out to all of you .

I am going through the same thing with my soon to be ex-husband. He took everything from me. I haven't seen my children in two years. I have two boys and a girl ages 5,7, and 11. He is evil. I tried everything to see them. Somehow he convinced everybody that I was a terrible mom. I was his third wife and know he took my kids because he didn't want to pay child support . I am brokehearted. When people ask me if I have children and I say I do ( I am 29yrs old) and they live with their father (46yrs old) , you should see how they look at me. Like I did something wrong and was a bad mother. I will never forgive him. I will never forgive his family and the so-called justice system. I wonder if I will ever get over it but I know better. I probably will never get over it. He was mad that I broke it off with him and took everything from me. I can't believe this has happened to me. After everything I went through in my life and he knew about it, how could he betray my children and me in the worst way? It's been over four years since he took them. I wish I could forget and move on. I wish he would stop avoiding giving me a divorce. Hasn't he done enough to hurt me?

I know that many men would not have cared. I know that most women would not have been so cruel. I was dealing with a dangerous psycotic. The thing that disgusted me the most is that the courts let her get away with it. They should recognize when a parent is usung the children as a weapon. It is not that uncommon. I empathize with you also. I have two daughters now who are my life. I love them very much but there is always that little fear in the background that makes me hold back just a little. That is what they robbed me of and why I cannot forgive. I wish I had that little piece of my own innocence back. I hope you were able to recover from your wounds.

tomtt, I feel your pain and and definetly can relate to the rage you feel. I am a victim of parental alienation syndrom as well but I am the mother that my daughters love to hate. I was denigrated, belittled and demeaned especially during the custody suit. Like you I love my daughters and they were my life. The only way he could hurt me was to get custody of them. He didn't want to pay child support so decided to go for custody. My life is empty without them and the damage as been done. He is in the 15 % of the worst alienators. He was obsessive and trumped up all kinds of fale allegations and told them to my daughters. He told them I didn't love them and not to trust me etc. I feel the same way you do. He overdozed on his insulin and tranquilizers when I told him I wanted a divorce. I came back home to get him in the hospital. I should have let him croak because all he did was live to completely destroy my motherhood. It's not just women that do this. It is family neutral topic. Both sexes do this kind of crap.