Lost Forever

I am 62 years old and the victim of severe parental alienation syndrome.  I was divorced in 1981 and went through a nasty child custody suit.  My two daughers were 8 and 12 years old at the time.  My husband said that he would "WIN".  He told me he would spend $40,000 to put me in the f....... ditch.   He told my daughters he was going to get them a new mother.  My daughters told me he said that to them and I knew he must have because he told me the same thing.   He got my oldest daughter to say she wanted to live with him.  The judge accepted her choice and both children went to him.   I regained custody 2 years later.   My oldest daughter decided she didnt want to live with him anymore and when I was flying her and her sister back from California to Oklahoma where their dad lived, she said she was going to run away.   I went back for custody and I won.  He threatened to kill me in the court room and the judge learned of it and gave the children to me and told me to take them to California.   Well, the PAS didn't stop.  He was doing it over the phone.  If I lost my job, he told them I was looser and couldn't hold down the job.   He was late on his child support payments and when my youngest daughter asked he why he did that to me especially since I was unemployed (she was 16 at the time) he told her that was the only way he could punish me.  My relationship with both my daughters became strained.  My oldest was playing hooky from school, lying constantly and my youngest daughter became more withdrawn from me.  I really felt it.  Things went down hill and became unsustainable.  My youngest daughter at 31 years old told me the only reason I went back to get custody of her and her sister was to **** off her father.   I am not a mother or a grandmother.  They call his wife mom and their children call his wife grandma.  He was forced to retire I think and I got word half the time he is crazy and doesn't know where he is.  I still suffer but my children still think he is a monument to them.   It's horrible. 

Hydra59 Hydra59
61-65, F
1 Response Jan 18, 2010

Hi Hydra59,<br />
OMG, I thought I was the only woman on earth that this has happened to, until I read your story. I was divorced a year and a half ago from a very manipulative man. He was first physically abusive and then mentally abusive. He turned my two oldest kids against me before the divorce was final. He lied in court constantly, he told me he would drain me of all my money and he did. He told me he would rearrange my face. My oldest daughter refers to me by my first name, and wont even talk to me. My son wont talk to me, but he talks to my ex's girlfriend. my middle child was kicked out of the house by him, and she has issues that she needs to iron out regarding the divorce. My two youngest aren't allowed to talk to me. This is a classic form of Parent Alienation Syndrome. I am sorry that you still have to deal with it after all these years. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just move on and wait until they are old enough to figure things out on their own. I feel the damage has been done already to them, that my relationship, if I can have one will never be the same. It is a horrible thing to have to deal with. If you ever just want to talk about it, I am here.