I Want My Daughter Back. Justice ? Not This Time.

this is and has been the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with. its a very long story. i am gonna shorten and sum up the first have. this is not something i share or talk about with any one. nor speak about often with my husband. i had a crappy childhood. alcoholic parents. never cared about me. i had been dating this guy 3 almost 4 yrs older then my when i was 14. needless to say i got pregnant. it was by choice. it was my "out" of my parents house. i had my daughter. i never felt a love so strong. he guy i thought i loved. thought had greener grass... i was 15 and very dumb. he beat me and verbally abused me. cheated on me. never gave a hand in helping with his child. he was always out getting high. now being only 15-16 u cant sign a apartment lease and live in gf aren't aloud in most place. (florida) we married. i began getting pretty sick. and learned i have kidney disease and my left kidney was no longer working. and had a lot of flank pain. the pain medicine began acting like my best friend. it numbed me. it was what kept e sane when he was around. finally when i was 17 i did it. i took my daughter and left him. i had a restraining order again him and no contact. he had visitation every other weekend. i i was moving on and having a life. i began dating. the man i am married to and we had our 1 child. my oldest age2 1/2 now a big sister. this is when she started having some of my medical problems. and was in and out of the hospital multiple times. she need a few surgeries to try to correct some of the problems. my ex and his family liked to called children and family service alot. in 1 year 26x! finally after 2 more years my "now" husband and i finally married and deiced leaving Florida would be the only way to live a normal life with the interference and drama. in Florida u have to file a attempt to relocate to the child's father. he didn't want her. in fact he hadn't even seen her in almost a year. my lawyer had hi severed. and we went to court in January 2008. the judge ruled mediation. now my ex knew i was on a time line. our lease was up and i had a job waiting in Texas, where we planed to move. my ex did not show up for mediation and it delayed my leaving. i had no choice when my lease ended. i notified my ex in writing and the judge of this. it took 3 days to arrive to Texas. where i was greeted that evening my sheriffs and children s services. they found no marks no bruises and i had full custody. he only had visitation. our first court appearance was 3 weeks later. he again did not show. and the judge would not see me alone. my husband and i came back to Texas. started settling in. i began working. the kids were finally at peace. my oldest was now wearing hearing aids. she was so inspiring. so out going. she never complained. she had a smile u could stair at for hours. i was scheduled back in court for the relocation in June of 2008. the judge had to reschedule now at this point to August. as summer passed. my husband and i made a trip back to Florida for the hearing. where my ex did show up. The judge found me in contempt of court for leaving the state of Florida. he gave me 15 days to mail my ex her medical records and 30 days to surrender her to him. and took away my custody right and parental rights. i couldn't believe what just happened. on August 28, 2008 i held my daughter Cheyenne for the last time before putting her on a air plain. The day that plain took off, was the day a piece of me left too. This was 1 month before her 6th bday. i want to rewind to right before our finally hearing, i had just found out i was pregnant with our second child. this was not planed.grieving was very hard to do when she was taken from me. i was so crushed so depressed and so numb again. i had my 3 yr and now a pregnancy, to get out of bed every day. after the first night, it was hard. the first week, even harder, first month and her 6th bday and kindergarten . i was slowly stinking faster and faster. i missed out on her first day of school. after losing her, it seemed time just went by faster then before. here we are. may 2012 almost 4 years later. my last pregnancy was another girl, healthy. i was thankful. but honestly i dont feel like a parent any more. i dont feel worthy of being a mom. i say this becasue i feel i a failure. i have not seen or talked to my sweet Cheyenne in almost 4 years. i have no idea where she is or if she is healthy. it kills me every day. i have experienced all these first with my middle child, now 7 yrs old. tho i am happy for her, i feel so much sadness not being there for Cheyenne. this past mothers day was by far my hardest. i want her in my arms. i want her to know i love her. and not a day has ever gone by i have not thought of her. i love all my daughters. im so a afraid my younger 2 daughters are not getting the very best of me because of this. i feel giving my very best is wrong at times bc its not fair. i hide my tears, my sadness and my feelings under layers and layers . i look at the pictures i have of her when no one is looking. i talk to her in my head. i am having such a hard time remembering her voice. i just want my daughter back to feel whole again! it kills me she is with them people . i wish i had ran sometimes. then i would of lost everyone and been in jail.? it wasnt a choice. i had no choice. i couldnt do any? right? i have the last book we read together in a bag where no one can touch it. as well as tooth brush and favorite outfit. her drawings. all kept safe. i dont know hat i am doing anymore. i miss her so much.
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4 Responses May 18, 2012

I feel so bad please be strong

Damn i am so sorry to read this - it is terrible the courts are clueless - i have a similar problem i live in South Africa and my ex took my son to live in London - I have not seen him in 2 years now.<br />
So i can appreciate how you feel.<br />
<br />
Be strong and good luck

the "justice" system and especially the dcs are so ******...<br />
i am sorry for ya pain, and i kinda know how yoou must feel.

What a heartbreaking story, not just losing your daughter but losing her to a man who didn't even care!! She probably thinks of you as often as you think of her, hun--mothers and daughters usually have a bond that stretches forever but doesn't break. As much as my mom and I hated each other, that bond was there until she died. // And you did NOTHING wrong!! I live in Florida too and I know all about how the system f*cks people over here. I knew a woman once who lost all of her kids because she owned a mobile home instead of a house, for chrissake!! Florida has to be the most backward state in the union when it comes to helping people who don't have megabucks to spend on fancy pants lawyers. GRRRR! God bless you and all your children: I'll keep you and Cheyenne in my thoughts and prayers.