My Wonderful Father.

When I was 15 years old, my father, my best friend on this planet, was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was the hardest thing to accept and still is. It only took 8 short months for the cancer to take him away forever. I feel so angry, because he was one of the best people I have ever and will ever know and I cant understand why he was taken from me. I'm so lost without him. I feel like there is no one to guide me through life. I was still just a child when he passed. He didn't see me complete high school. He didn't see me get into college. He wont get to walk me down the isle. I feel so lost,not knowing where to go or what to do next. I don't have any motivation because I feel like there is no one to share my accomplishments with. I just wish so badly that i could look into his blue eyes one more time. just hug him and talk to him. I wasn't there to say good bye in person, i left just a few days too soon. I had to call him and say goodbye to him, knowing he would be gone forever in just a few short hours. I told him I loved him but he didn't have the strength to say it back. I was so scared for you daddy....and I know you were scared too. You didn't deserve that fate. you didn't. Some days i just don't know how im going to carry on without you.at times I wish I could end this pain and join you In death. But I know you wouldn't want that for me. So im going to keep carrying on. I'm going to stay the same sweet girl you once knew. I'm going to make something of myself, all for you. I'm going to be good to people, even ones I have never met, just like you did. everyone loved you and I want to have that too. I see how much people miss you, your sisters..your two daughters and I know that I want people to feel that way about me too. You were so precious and you will forever be with me in spirit. I will never let you go and I will never forget. I love you so much.
christa1722 christa1722
18-21, F
10 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Hi Christa,

I came to this site to find some comfort, I'm 15 years old and my dad passed away almost six weeks ago, he had three brain tumors. I'm so sorry to see that it happened to fast, my dad had it for about 30 years so I feel very sorry for you.
I'm like many others so scared, I'm scared of what I'm gonna miss out on, what he's gonna miss out on in my life, in my two brothers lives, in his wife's life and his own personal experiences.
He won't see me graduate, he wont see me win all my competitions. I can cry for nights, I don't sleep anymore cause I can't stop thinking about him, where he is.
I'm also afraid since my mom also has a brain tumor, how often does that happen? What will happen to us? What if we forget?

I'm just grateful I even got to meet him, to be in his life for so long and for him to be able to be in mine for 15 years, I will always treasure that time.

I've heard a saying: "God takes the best men first", I believe it's true.

Hugs and a lot of thoughts, we will stay strong.

I miss my father too............

You have given us a beautiful account of a tragedy, christal. Thank You for baring your soul so thoroughly.<br />
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What shnes through brightest from the darkness of your story is your continuing love for your late Father and your daughterly devotion to preserving his memory. I commend you on your intention to use his life and his attitudes to others as an example for your own.<br />
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Best wishes.

I was 6 when my dad was diagnosed and died when i was 7. i really never knew how it would affect me, but know that i am 12 i realize- he wont be there for my biggest events, that alone makes me cry

Reading this is so tragic, you are a very brave lady. <br />
My Father was diagnosed with lung cancer in March this year, the chemo and radiotherapy was working so well until his lung collapsed and it transpired that holes had appeared in his lung. This is extremely rare. I write this as he is upstairs in bed on morphine, still convinced he is going to fight this traumatic disease. After visiting his consultant yesterday my sister and I have learnt there is nothing further they can do for him and we are looking at losing him in the near future.<br />
I don't have secrets from my Dad, but how on earth do you begin to tell someone they are dying? He may know but he doesn't let on. He is so brave. I wish I could take it all away from him, he has so very much to live for. Just a few short months ago he was out pipe fitting, as he runs his own engineering company. A physically hard job that I and many other people couldn't do. He is 61, but before all this looked 45 and so very handsome in a Dudley Moore kind of way.<br />
What I cannot understand is why take him? Why take someone who has so much life and so much living to do? I cannot digest this information at all, it just doesn't sink in. I cry constantly. I wake in the middle of the night, wander round the house and find it impossible to go back to sleep. He is my world and I love him so very much. Imagining life without him is unbearable, it feels like a knife going through my heart and the pain just doesn't seem to stop. Everyone who knows him adores him, he is generous, kind hearted, loving and sincere. WHY? That will be a question I will ask for the rest of my life. Life will never be the same again without this incredible man. I sit here waiting for the doctor now as the pain is just too severe, perhaps a morphine drip now is the only option. I look for answers, hence googling this webpage, but I doubt I will ever find them. Thank you.

I really know how you feel girl. But you will be okay. Just try not to dwell on it. grieving is fine but don't let it control your life like I do. Just do what you think would have made your dad proud :]

my dad died yesterday due to cancer. he was in the hospital for 3 weeks. && he had a lot of complications. i watched him take his last breath && held his hand && told him it was okayy to say goodbye. i know how you feel. :( i feel like..it's not fair. i'm only 18.

thank you so much for your kind words. :D

i loveed this. true words from the heart.

i started reading this, i got half way through then tears rolled down my face :(