If Love Could Have Saved My Dad, He Never Would Have Died.

I lost my dad 29 months ago to cancer. 29 long months of my life. The hardest months I have ever gone through.

I never thought this would happen to my family. You never think it will happen to you. Finding out my dad was diagnosed with cancer put my whole family into a frenzy. My stepmom was his rock. She stayed by his side through treatments and surgeries. She took time off from work to be home with him and tend to his needs. She was his provider. She was his true love.

13 months after my dad was diagnosed with cancer, the doctors told him he beat it. He was in remission. The happiest day of our lives. I was going to keep my father around. Life was back on track.

4 months later, my dad was back in the hospital. I was 22. He was there for a week. They finally told him. The cancer had spread to his lymphnodes and it was't able to be caught. They didn't know how long he had, they just knew it was going to happen.

Walking into my fathers hospital room, I was scared. He looked at me, took my hand and told him how much he loved me. I knew then what he was going to tell me. I became weak in the knees, my heart racing. My dad said" Well i got good news and bad news...I am going to die...but I am not dying tonight". I became hysterical. I could not breathe. My grandmother had to take me to the family room so I could sit for a minute and let it all soak in. I collapsed into my grandmothers lap and bawled. All I could think about was life without my dad. How could this happen? Why my dad? He didnt deserve any of this. He was one of the strongest men I ever met.

2 days later with all our family by his side, he left us and went to Heaven. October 17th 2009 was one of the worst days of my life. I will never forget it.

The next few days were a blur to myself and my family. People poured into the funeral home to say their goodbyes and pay their respects. All i wanted was my dad. All people could say was sorry for your loss, he was a great man, That was not what I wanted to hear. All I could think was why him? why now?

I will never get to introduce my father to the love of my life. He will never get to walk me down the aisle or meet his grandbabies.These things make me angry, Angry at the world. Angry at cancer. I know lots of people go through this every day and I can't imagine having to go through it again.

After some time of coming to terms with my fathers death, I became a little more understanding. I cherish the times my father and I did share together. I love when I walk down the road in my city and something pops out that reminds me of my dad. I feel his prescence and it is comforting.
I know that with all my successes in life, my dad is smiling in Heaven. All i want is for my dad to be proud of his little girl. I will always be his little girl he never had the chance to experience maturing in a woman.

I miss my dad everyday. I know this is normal and it will not go away. I miss his laugh, his voice, his humour. I just miss him.

I will never stop loving you Dad and I hope you are proud of me. Every decision I make, I imagine what you would say if I was to tell you.

You will always be my best friend. You will always be my hero.

If love could have saved you , you never would have died.

Rest beautifully in peace and out of the pain and suffering you encountered.

You showed me strength and hope even though you were so tired and weak.

You showed me what it was like to really live.

You were an inspriation to everyone in the hospital.

We miss you dearly and wish everyday you were here with us.

I will never let myself loose sight of my beliefs from what you taught me,

I will always think of you when I need help in a situation.

I love you more and more everyday you are gone.

Please know that I am always thinking of you and your amazing life.

Megobrien16 Megobrien16
1 Response Mar 28, 2012

There are other ways to look at this.