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Man Who Stayed Positive Till The Wnd!

My dad was 45 years old!a man full of life,was the healthiest man!didn't smoke,didn't drink,so I don't underatand how all this happened!..his birthday was december 6 and was born 1964.he died december 4,2010.2 days before his birthday.in my home,before my moms eyes....my dad was diagnosed with melanoma skin cancer around september of 2008.till this day, I still think a lot could have been prevented.....
My daddy worked as a farm worker,mostly tractoring...prior to his diagnosis,he had gotten a fungus on his left thumb,and somehow sanded it down with sandpaper,till it bled...he went to the doctor cuz it never healed and did testing on it....they never calles us for the results so we assumed everything was ok..but his thumb never healed,and we called his doctor again,and asked about the results.this was a month later....we came to ind out it was cancer...we were upset,mad and quite dissapointed in his doctor...they amputated his thum so that the cancer wouldn't spread...only to find out by another doctor that by doing that,spread the cancer cells...withing two weeks of the surgery,my dad began to feel some sort of bump in his underarm that bugged him..I knew it was a tumor...what else could it be?but I didn't want to say anything because my mom wassooo stressed and had began to get ill herself because of everythong that was going on...he had surger for those bumps,and sure enough they were tumors...he began chemo and went at it a straight month,every day...and three timea a week for a whole year!..but my dad was amazing.if you would have met him during the rocess,you would've nwver guessed he was going through chemo treatment or that he had cancer at all
..my dad finished his chemo april of 2010..that june is where the nightmare began.he began with a headache that lasted exactly a week until we took him to the hospital.he'd had internal bleeding.he was taken to a hosital in castro valley and was told that it could be a tumor that was growing and that was putting pressure on the blooeld vessel which eventually pooped and caused the internal bleeing....he was sent back home and was told that if it happened again to ruah him to the er...he was sent to get a c cat scan in bakersfield but turned out it was the very next day.we decided to visit some family there,and that's where it would be the ery last time I spoke to my dad.he began with the headache but lost conscioua.we called an ambulance which took him to tje hospital.thephysician said that if his records were all in tulare why were we ther.I told him because they specifically told me to bring him to the er if happened again.he said well then imma start all over with the tests.and my response to him was,well you should of alredy have startes.I know it wasn't the way to say,but I was mad at the way he handled everything.and after that he comes outside all nice to explain to me that the blood vessel had burst again and they called a neurosurgeon.I was explained exactly what he had and what was going on.I saw where the tumor was and the whole blood bleeding.he was rushed inside and they prepared him.they were going to do brain surgery.if we didn't,he would die soonee.we had all night to decide.and we agreedd.the next day he was taken at around 2 in the afternoon.and around six the doctor came out.the response I was waiting for.my dad had made it out surger well.but I was so happy he was alive ht I didn't even hear or paid attentiin to the rest.my dad has cancer all over his brain.and there was nothing they could do.he had at the most 6 months to live.I was devastated.I couldn't believe my dad,my hero was going through this.the image of him in icu all bandaged in white will never erase from my mind.the day I stood next to him while h was there and I was balling in tears asking him to be strong and get through this.and a tear rolled down his cheek.he was listening to me
....my dad suffered months in bed..couldn't talk,move his right side and had memory loss due to the surgery...he was in differnt hospitals until he was put in hospice where he was brought to my home.during those 4 months,we watched as he became weakwr and weaker and as that ugly tumor in his brain grew...that Saturday morning,dec.4th.my dad wasn't breathing right
and my mom had me call the hospice nurses..when I was on the phone my mom yelled to me,he's gone,he's gone ariana.I was in shock.I couldn't speak.my dad was gone!!!!what happened to all my praying and everyones prayes that weren't listened too?I was devastated!!..he had had a respiratory arrest and the tumor was gone...till this day I can't believe it.my only dad.whom I love soooo much and want him back.to tell him something that I never told him...that I loved himmm!!he was my everythibg.I now live in regret for never letting him hugg me!for never telling him I loved him.now I'm a girl who regreta everything.who wants to die too.who can't live without her dad...I'm soo lost with out yu dad!!r.I.p to joseluis delgadillo..dec.6.1964-dec.4.2010:(
aridel10 aridel10 18-21 1 Response May 30, 2012

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Please dont torture yourself - Your dad knows that you loved him - why else would you have been in the hospital with him asking him to be strong? And he loved you too, because even through chemo he didnt want you to see him being weak, he knew he was your hero and he showed you how strong he was. Those facts will never change, no matter how long it has been since you have seen him. Try not to torture yourself...its very fresh for you and you possibly cannot remember clearly all the love that flowed between you that was obvious to him. But those good memories will start to come back if you give them space in your head to come through. My dad passed in Feb 2011 and I am still so shocked about it, I still dont really believe its true...its the hardest thing in the world to lose a parent.