Come Back Daddy!

Hi, I read your story, and felt compelled to write to you. I want you to know that I do know wat you are going through. I am 25 and my father died of cancer on my 8th birthday. I don’t really have any memories of that first year after my father died. At first it was a horrific event, and inside I had convinced myself of a number of things, but mainly that I should have insisted he go to the doctors sooner, that I should have saved him, and that somehow this was all just a lie and that he would come back, and it would all just be some sick and lame joke. Ultimately I was a very young child and incapable of processing the huge wall of emotion that comes with the death of a parent.
As the years went on I grew up emotionally and finally when I was around 15-16 I was finally in a place where I was able to embrace the grief, and it was not pretty. It has had a serious effect on my mental and physical health. Though my mind was starting to clue in to the grief, I was not fully aware of this. I convinced myself that actually I was absolutely fine, and enough time had passed since the death of my father, thus I had had more than enough time to deal with and move on. This was not true I had not moved on and could not move on.
I am not going to tell you about the rollercoaster ride I went on in the time since, but I am going to tell you that you can only start to feel better when you stop trying to move on and instead start fully grieving and getting the help you need to grieve. I only started feeling better once I sought out help, and life got easier to handle. I started to accept that there was no way that my father would be happy to see me the way I was. That he would never want me to die just to see him. I started to feel other things; I started to accept the death and that living in the past on in the “what-ifs” wasn’t good for me and definitely not how my father would want to see me.
Believe me when I say I know it’s immensely difficult – but you can live through this, you will live through this. Don’t break your father’s heart by taking the gift he left you – your life!

my name is baby girl i dont no u. i undetstad what u are going though i lost my anut to cacer and she was my everthing please dont take your life u are worth living