Lost Him Too

I was really young when he died. He died of stomache cancer. I had only turned 5 the week before he passed away. I can't really remember much because of my age but from what I've heard, they say he was stubborn and didn't want to "rot" in the hospital. So he came home and he had to have an IV and other things I don't remember. I don't blame anyone for losing him, but I will admit that the loss haunts me at times. Every elementary school Father-Daughter Dance I never went to makes me feel that maybe if he was still with us I wouldn't be as messed up as I am now. It hurts to know that he looks down on me and I feel that I'm not fullfilling his dreams or living up to what he wanted for me. Maybe my family wouldn't be having trouble paying the bills or I wouldn't be mad at my Mom for moving on to someone new. I would just do anything to see who he was to get to know him. My mom always tells me he loved to take pictures like me and play the guitar. But then everytime I go to a friends house and see her with her dad makes me miss him even more. To everyone whose lost their dad I feel what you feel. Maybe one day no person will have to deal with what I and others had to go through. Maybe one day there will be a cure. That is what i pray for every day, a cure.