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He Smoked

He smoked since he was 13 or something like that I heard my mom say. He's always smoked. He smoked in the house when we were all infants, of course back then they weren't aware of second hand smoke. He was a wonderful man as I remember him. He was so mellow. He always had a smile on his face and something funny to say. He cared so much for his family.  He married my mom at 23 and they had 6 children, 3 boys and 3 girls. The perfect family. We were so happy together, had a beautiful 5 bedroom house with a big back yard. We went to private schools and even had a maid. Then one day my mother noticed he would make a face whenever he pushed on the brake. She asked him if he was ok, of course he said he was. He never complained of anything, he hated going to the doctor's. But as time went by the pain got worse and worse. So my mom ended up dragging him there. It turned out they had to operate on him, but when they did they just closed him back up and said they were sorry but there wasn't anything else they could do. The cancer that had started in his lungs had spread all over his body. The doctors gave him 6 months to live. They tried chemo but unfortunately didn't work. He died at 43 leaving 6 of us behind. The oldest 17, the youngest 4. I was only 7. I never cried. I remember seeing the casket and going up to it and starring at him just laying there....lifeless. I didn't understand why he was dead. I tried to cry like everyone else was crying but I just couldn't back then. Now I'm making up for it. It's hard to grow up without a father in your life. Not only that but he didn't have life insurance so we had a lot of financial trouble after he died. My mom had never worked in her life before that so she had to suffer a lot doing odd jobs to support 6 kids on her own. I have a lot of respect and pride for my mother. She is one awesome lady.
lily7 lily7 41-45, F 36 Responses Sep 26, 2007

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Hey, my dad has been smoking since he was 14 now he's in his early fortys I'm very worried and concerned on his health but I don't know what to do see him and my mum are not together p,us I'm only 14

I hope things are getting better for you and your family? Death is a very tuff thing to deal with especially when it is premature. After reading all of these thoughtful messages. I came to realize one thing. No one said anything about not having life insurance. Well I want to share my story. My dad who was killed in a car accident 14 years ago crossing a street came to my mind after reading your story. Like your dad my dad had no life insurance. Leaving this responsibility to my mom, sister, brother and I. It was horrible we couldn't even afford a proper burial. It was a very sad and angry time for us. If there is anything to get from this story is the importance of having financial plans such as life insurance for something that is going to happen to all of us "GAURANTEED". Of course we all will go in some way or another, so its not if its when. Please understand I am a very carring parent/husband and my #1 financial obligation is to protect my families financial future. Especially from premature death. Not to mention wealth preservation of our family legacy. <br />
<br />
"Gods Speed"

So sorry to hear that as well pupillis. Message me if you need to talk. Hang in there, its a long grieving process.

Dear wwefan66, <br />
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. When I was 11 my mother had to move away to start a new life for us for about a year. So unfortunately I know how it feels to be without both parents. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk about it. <br />
Take care and God bless

he smoked a lot...I loss my father this month with lung cancer. He was 57 years old. I need my father...he was my life.

I also lost my dad to cancer wheni was 16.We then moved to another town where my mom lived until xmas 2001.She died of parkinsons.Having lost both parents i know what it feels like.

My dad smokes too...annoys me...hate him for that...it's up to him to stop...he's in total control of his life, minus the fact god is...

My dad smokes too...annoys me...hate him for that...it's up to him to stop...he's in total control of his life, minus the fact god is...

Its so HORRIBLE to watch a parent die from something so preventable. My dad was my best buddy but like so many others of the 1950s he started smoking at a bording school at age: 11 can you imagine? In those days they advertised cigarettes as what a great, fun, healthy way for a young person to go because they didn't know any different. He was the BEST dad ever, a REAL dad that was always there for us 3 kids growing up. We were LUCKY as we had him until adulthood, thank-god and I still believe that is what made my the decent person that I am today. He was a family man and LOVED all animals but he started feeling run down in January of 2007 and I already knew deep down that it was the smoking. He smoked the OLD style rollies as they called them and picked tobacco out of his teeth everyday, it was disgusting but we just loved him unconditionally as he did us. Luckily I was already married with my own family but my mom would keep me up-to-date everyday on his ailing condition, he slept a LOT and 1 week after my 43rd birthday, I got the news from my sister to get to the hospital ASAP as he only had 4 days left, it was brutal watching him literally drown in his own bodily fluids as he could never get enough oxygen to his body. I just had enough time to hold his hand and tell him that I loved him very much and I asked god to please take him so that he wouldn't suffer anymore. We went home that night from visiting hours and first thing in the morning I got the phone call from my sister that he had passed. He was only 66 years of age and so MUCH to still live for with his beautiful 4 gandchildren and his own grown children that loved him so very much. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and all the good memories. For those of you parents out there that are still smoking or smoking pot for that matter, Please for the love of god QUIT before its too late. Its a living HELL to watch your parent die of this horrible, preventable disease. Thanks, Carol.

I lost my dad to lung cancer when I was 18 (I am now 56). That was in 1973. Later, in 1990 I would lose my mother to congestive heart failure (she also had emphysema). I am the youngest of 5 children, all boys. My brother Bill was the next to perish from cigarettes, at the age of 56, in the year 2000, then my brother Ray succumbed to smoking in 2005. It was in 2005 that I decided I had to do something. Quitting smoking is so hard for people. I learned that hypnosis is the most effective way for people to stop smoking and I became a hypnotist. Smoking Cessation is a major emphasis for me. I want to help at least 100 people stop smoking (one on one) in 2011. I have already helped hundreds. <br />
<br />
I can tell you that guilt won't help. I can tell you that the financial burden is not enough. I can tell you that women who smoke don't mind the sharp hurt to their appearance done by cigarettes. The anti-smoking advertising is almost comically ineffective. Spouses who nag their mates to stop only get them smoking more, more often than not. <br />
<br />
So what is a person to do? Smokers often seem like they are strong and self-centered, but very often they are deeply wounded themselves. They smoke from a place of pain. That means loving acceptance of them as people will help them to build the resolve to stop smoking. There are thousands of hypnotists across the country. You might find one as committed to helping people stop smoking as am I. <br />
<br />
Reading these reports once again brought memories back to me, very painful memories, and as I write this, I have to tell you that there are tears in my eyes. When I think of the kids who will live without mom or dad, or mom and dad, I ache for them. I know how much it hurt me at my daughter's wedding to watch my wife's parents dance together. Neither of my parents lived long enough to see that happy event. My father-in-law recently passed away, in his mid-eighties. Nearly 33 years more than I had my dad. You cannot imagine what a difference it makes.<br />
<br />
I practice in NY. Cigarettes are $8-$11 per pack here. That's about $4000 a year for a typical smoker. If someone invested $8 a day instead of burning it, they would wind up with about $2 million over 40 years. That's a lot of money to burn because it seems cool to smoke. If you ask a smoker what they would rather have in 40 yrs, $2 million (US) or the consequences of smoking for 40 yrs, they will say "give me the money". Yet it is hard for them, so they do need the assistance. Support and love will do much more than guilt and anger.

it really does suck to lose a parent. a little over a year ago i lost my dad to liver failure from hep c. that was just as hard to deal with as seeing a parent die from cancer would i imagine. he slowly slipped away over 8 months. it was interesting because it actually hurt more to see him slowly get worse over time than when we got the call to come to the hospital right away because he was on his last legs; and then seeing him laying there, motionless on the bed in the ICU, with all the jaundice and his severely emaciated body. one thing that was surprising tho was the fact that he smoked for 40 years and when they did the autopsy, his lungs looked like those of a person the same age that never smoked in his life. dying from smoking is a real hit or miss thing. thats why im not taking the chances with it. i quit a month ago and im so glad i did because i wanna live to be much older than my dad did. I kno that this was kinda long and rambling but what im getting at is that i completely understand what its like to lose a parent and my best wishes go out to you and your family for the future.

gosh I feel for you all my daddy past November 10th 2007 at 9:47am when I was 11 from golfwar sindrom(he was in the army), he went to sleep and the next morning he just didnt wake back up and I am now 14 and a half and I still feel the guilt because the night before he died we had an argument over somthing ABSOLUTLY STUPID!!! the last words I said to him were "I HATE YOU! and then I slamed my bedroom door in his face and he told my mom that he would talk to me in the morning but he never got the chance ever since that day to today i still hate myself, I'm lost I dont know what to do without him you know sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change everything..... if ANYONE I dont care who but if anyone has any advice or has been in the same situation or is in the same situation PLEASE comment or if you just want to leave a comment feel free P.S I just need to know that im not alone please! im begging you someone talk to me!!!

Im really sorry for your loss. My dad has been smoking since around 15 and my step mom has been smoking since 8.. Every night i hear her cough and choke.. I'm so scared. My dad is always spitting flem and i hate to in a way watch them suffer.. when i was 10 he promised me he would quit.. but he didn't follow through..

I'm so sorry for your lost. I'm scared that my mom will get cancer because she smokes when ever she gets stressed, and that's kinda often. I asked her not to smoke and she was on the patch for a while, but like two months later, she went right back to smoking. I'm really scared for her.

As a person who has battled cancer and its after effects multiple times since 1981, I know all to well what this horrible diease can do to a peeson and thier families. If there is one thing that I learned through all of this is that if you do smoke you WILL get cancer. Period.

My Grandfather died of lung cancer, about 7 years ago and i can't get over the fact i vowed i would never go down the same past but here i am,..smoking, i hate it and am trying to quit, i suppose a part of me feels it brings me closer to my grandfather...............all my love to you & your mum i know how hard it is to lose someone close x

When I was a child, I lost my aunt. My reaction was a bit odd too..I couldn't cry, so I laughed---yes it was weird, but it was the only thing that would come out. No one could tell though, as I hid my face. I worry about my mother now, she's a chain smoker and has been most of her life. The coughs seem to get worse as the years go on. I pray that you have strength.

I feel deeply for you. It's not easy to be a kid and have the one who's supposed to be there for you be unavailable, that is what hurts the most. <br />
I'm really sorry hon, my advice would be for you to seek counseling. Believe me even if its a drag to go through it, it might help a bit? how's your relationship with your mom? <br />
I'm praying that you will find comfort so that maybe you can quit smoking one day, (i know it's very difficult) but maybe it will help u not follow his footsteps because it will lead to sickness and maybe even premature death. <br />
You are so young and you have your whole life in front of you, it all depends on what decisions you make now that lead to consequences later in life. I wish I could go back to being a kid again but with my exp so that I wouldn't make the mistakes I made back then. My life would be diff now.

I'm a 15 year old girl and my father is currently fighting lung cancer. He does chemo and radiation a few times a week. He had to get a blood transfusion because he is so skinny and his immune system is very very weak. He still smoke 2 packs a day. I started smoking before we found out and I smoke at least a pack a day. I've never been close to my father. We fight a lot and nothing I do is ever good enough. Although, I feel pain and depression from him dying. He is 56 and has been smoking since he was about 11. I don't know how much longer he will live.

I'm a 15 year old girl and my father is currently fighting lung cancer. He does chemo and radiation a few times a week. He had to get a blood transfusion because he is so skinny and his immune system is very very weak. He still smoke 2 packs a day. I started smoking before we found out and I smoke at least a pack a day. I've never been close to my father. We fight a lot and nothing I do is ever good enough. Although, I feel pain and depression from him dying. He is 56 and has been smoking since he was about 11. I don't know how much longer he will live.

so sad your story, thanks you have a mum who fights for her children. continue to adore her and don't let anything come between your relationship.

Thank you so much foreverme! Blessings back to you and I'm glad you are so strong to live this long, so is my mom, also 81. I'm sorry for your loss as well. I know what you mean about benefiting from having a dad. I miss him terribly still. Take care. Hugs,<br />
Lily

I am so sorry that you have held your grief til now...and that you grew up without your father. I smoked for 30 years before I finally got the quit thing down!! I do feel though that your father would now have continued that route had he known what hardship that he left you and your family in, my children are my biggest reason I quit. Thank you for sharing your story.

I know that feeling too i lost my father when i was 5 to lung cancer because he wouldn't stop. my mother had to take care of me and brother,sister working 2 jobs.

Plz bear with me.....I have some lyrics from Mariah Carey who most of us might relate with...here they are:<br />
<br />
"Bye Bye"<br />
<br />
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody<br />
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady<br />
Put your hand way up high<br />
We will never say bye (no, no, no)<br />
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins<br />
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers<br />
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye<br />
<br />
As a child there were them times<br />
I didn't get it but you kept me in line<br />
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes<br />
On Sunday mornings, and I missed you<br />
But I'm glad we talked through<br />
All them grown folk things<br />
Separation brings<br />
You never let me know it<br />
You never let it show because<br />
You loved me and obviously<br />
There's so much more left to say<br />
If you were with me today face to face<br />
<br />
[Chorus:]<br />
I never knew I could hurt like this<br />
And everyday life goes on like<br />
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"<br />
Miss you but I try not to cry<br />
As time goes by<br />
And it's true that you've reached a better place<br />
Still I'd give the world to see your face<br />
And I'm right here next to you<br />
But it's like you're gone too soon<br />
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye<br />
<br />
(Bye Bye [3x])<br />
Bye bye<br />
<br />
And you never got the chance to see how good I've done<br />
And you never got to see me back at number one<br />
I wish that you were here to celebrate together<br />
I wish that we could spend the holidays together<br />
<br />
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night<br />
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight<br />
I thought you were so strong<br />
You'd make it through whatever<br />
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever<br />
<br />
[Chorus]<br />
<br />
(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])<br />
Bye bye<br />
<br />
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody<br />
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady<br />
Put your hand way up high<br />
We will never say bye (no, no, no)<br />
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins<br />
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers<br />
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

Aw! thank you so much sweetheart. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I will take your advice. I'm happy for your children because they had you. God bless you!

I am so sorry for your loss.my husband died at 62 as a result of smoking,he had multiple myeloma,we were married 40 years in 1985.i never smoked but i have COPD cause of second hand smoke,one if our girls has COPD also.please have your family`s health check often.my family are all grown now ,but i feel if he lived as long as me (81) they could have benefited from having a dad, he was a wonderful spirit filled man.BUT HE SMOKED.Blessings to you and mom

Thank you Mseinna, I'm sorry for your loss also. I miss him and still need him too. <br />
hugs back, Lily

Very sad, " but " I would attribute this man's premature death ( 43 ) more to genetics than smoking. I am 68 and have smoked since I was in my very early teens. The " majority " of my friends who have quit smoking have died of colon, liver, kidney and all of the other numerous cancers too many to mention. I did learn one thing from this story: If I should get a pain while braking my car, I'm headin' for the doctor.

I am so sorry for your loss, even tho it was long ago. Bless you, my friend. I lost my daddy to cancer 7 1/2 yrs ago...he was a wonderful daddy...he was 71..I still miss him like it was yesterday. I need him still. Hugs.