My Dad Died This Year

He had lung cancer that spread to his brain. He was in his late 60's. He passed in May, the ame month my mother died, 11 years previous.
AngelaDark AngelaDark
31-35, F
1 Response Sep 26, 2007

My dad was diagnosed with an odd form of bladder cancer. We didn't know he had cancer until he was stage 4. When we found out the cancer was everywhere.. worst of all it was in his lungs. We fought so hard to keep him around, did chemo, even tried a clinical trial, but his cough would come back. Towards the end his cough would get so bad he would throw up. It was like that for 3 weeks. Then one day we noticed he started talking less.. staring into the distance.. he even started losing hand function. He couldn't hold up a drink. This all happened in a matter of a week. He went from walking fine and talking fine and eating okay to not even being able to hold a damn drink or shower on his own. I don't understand what happened. It was explained that he was losing oxygen because of the cancer in his lungs. One night he awoke and said he could barely breathe. We took him to the hospital. It was his last trip to the hospital. I had rolled him in so many times before, but I never knew it was his last trip. His last time I would ever see him in our house. The sadness overwhelms me when I think about it. He went on oxygen at the hospital and they had to keep increasing it over a matter of 4 days. He struggled. He developed the death rattle. He stopped talking. He went unconscious. I never saw his eyes again. I'm 26. My dad's dead. I watched him take his last breath. When I close my eyes that's all I ever see. I can't sleep. He's dead. His body went cold so fast. I kissed his forehead and held his hand but it all felt empty like I was kissing a cold hollow rock. He's dead.. and I'm so sorry I couldn't save him. He was so sad.. he was 68. He didn't want to die. He was scared. I couldn't save him. I told him he was going to be okay.. I lied. I'm so sorry.

You did nothing wrong, it's ok, I'm sure he knew you weren't trying to be dishonest