How Do I Deal With A Dying Father????
I'm just coming to the realization that I'm losing my father to cancer. I was in denial and thought he would make it through this but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. He keeps on saying that the Lord may need him in heaven. I feel helpless. It's hard to see the strongest person you know now so weak. He doesn't get out of bed and looks miserable and I can't blame him. I guess I just need to know what to do to make him happy? I feel horrible that me, my mom and my sister are living our lives around him.
Yesterday was the roughest day for me. So rough that I had to put how I was feeling on this website which is not like me at all. I'm a very private person but the feelings I was experiencing yesterday for my dad had me over the top emtional. I cried all day yesterday at work. Secrectly of course. I finally called my mom and told her how I was feeling. She was shocked because I'm the strong one in the family. Sometimes I think they forget I'm a woman too. I'm a lot like my dad. Very strong and stubborn. Well my off the wall feelings were validated when my mom called me after she had arrived home from work and notice strong fumes in the house. My dad had tried to comitt suicide by backing up his van to the window of the house and closing all the doors. So odd how my connection to him is so strong that I felt this. Now my mom believes what I was trying to tell her which he is depressed. This was a wake up call to all of us that we have become numb to all that is going on around us. We need to start reacting. So today is a better day. I decided to visit more often and going to buy a wheelchair today so I can take him out and have the sun shine on his face. I will live everyday for him. I will make sure that his last days are filled with happiness and joy.
Just received a phone call from my mom. She just got home from a doctors visit with my dad and was told that there is nothing else they can do but make him comfortable. How can a live in this world without him? I have never had to live in this world without him. Who will I turn to?