My Father Just Died February 2 2009

I will always remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the early morning hours after the Super Bowl. I had talked to my dad several hours before and he was talking to me about a dip that he mixed up consisting of guacamole and ranch, we got off the phone and I finished my night time routine getting my daughter ready for bed and doing the same for myself. I went to bed that night and the phone rang around 1:30am. I saw that it was my brother calling. I blew it off and told my husband that's just Reginal, he's probably drunk because he leaves for his cruise tomorrow. My brother gets drunk and calls me often. Then the phone rang again and I answered. He asked me if I knew what was going on because our cousins had called him and told him to call my aunt because she needed to talk to him. There was no answer at my parents house. My brother told me that when my cousins told him to call my aunt they had said they were sorry. At this point I wanted to panic but I had to stay strong for my brother. I called the hospital and I asked if they had a patient by the name of Ray Green. They said yes and nothing else, I asked if my mother was there and they told me yes and I asked them to have my mother call me. My mother called me back after a few minutes and told me that my father had died. I knew that my father had died because the nurse hadn't said anything, during the course of his illness whenever I called the hospital they would tell me if he was in ICU or the ER or waiting to go to a room, but this time they said nothing. My father first started getting sick a few months before my daughter turned a year old. They came to see us for her first Thanksgiving and we had a great time. At that point he started telling my mother that his vision was failing. He told her that he could only see like a tunnel and everything else was black. After they went back my mother took him to the doctor who told her that his loss of vision was due to several small strokes that he had had and not noticed. Then his vision began deteriorating very quickly in both eyes. By the following Easter we went to visit them and my daughter was a little over a year old now, he got to see her fully for the last time during that visit. He could make out her face up close and from a short distance he could only see her body when she was dressed in white and light colors. After that both his eyes went dark and he could no longer see. During that visit he also went back to the hospital. Between Thanksgiving and March he had had three heart attacks. He had another heart attack while we were there. In that year he had another 2 heart attacks and they put a defibrilator in his chest to shock him when it started to give out. He was a man who loved life and at this point he had lost his sight, had 7 heart attacks, was diagnosed with lupus, congestive heart failure and hepatitis C. He stopped caring about the doctor's orders to only drink so much fluid a day (he was restricted to 32oz per day) and he wasn't watching his diet. We all kept fussing at him to watch what he was eating and drinking and I finally told my mother that he was preparing himself to die. I told her that he was living the way he wanted to live and was going to die happy. My daughter and I flew down and she is not quite 3 yrs old. She will be three this year and it will be for both of us the first time we have not had him in our lives on our birthdays. My birthday is actually tomorrow 3/11 and hers is 3/27 and it has not yet been 2 months since my father passed. I miss him so much, some days more than others and I know that tomorrow on my birthday will be a day that I will miss him more than any other so far. The funeral was upbeat until they played this one song and then my mother and myself and all my brothers broke down. My brother Ray Jr was hit the hardest. He couldn't even stay in the mortuary, he had to leave. My brother Tyrone broke down hardest before we went to the gravesite and my sweet darling little daughter who couldn't fully grasp the concept of death just kept wiping my face and telling me not to cry. I am still so lost that sometimes I pick up the phone to check on him and then I remember that he's not there for me to check on. Sometimes I see something that would have made him laugh and I laugh twice as hard for him too. My mother is so much stronger than I am, she is back at work and going on with her life and I have done the same, but not like her. I know that she misses my father dearly but she is strong and keeps on keeping on so that everybody else can follow her lead. So that is what I am trying to do, stay strong and keep my head up.

 

cheatedoutoflife cheatedoutoflife
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 10, 2009

It is truly so devastating when a loved one dies. My father has the same thing. So far he is not doing too badly. He must have been a really good father to you.<br />
I hope that you will tell your daughter stories about him<br />
to keep his memory alive for you both.<br />
My heart goes out to you. Stay strong and remember the good times! Love lasts forever.<br />
Love Debby