Time Stops...

My father battled several ailments...diabetes, heart problems (congestive heart failure), high blood pressure, to name a few. He had been in and out of the hospital so many times, we always joked that they were going to name a wing after him. Emphasis on the "in and out" part. He had some bad episodes throughout the years, but he always managed to come through. We all knew that his health was precariously balanced...the myriad of drugs he took were perfectly balanced to help without upsetting other problems. 2011 was notable, for the fact that my father had probably his best years in recent times. No life-threatening emergencies prompting a sudden dash to the hospital. It was a good year. First thing on the morning of Saturday 11/12/2011, I got a phone call from my mother...my father had been in a car accident. My mom is usually emotional...but I can gauge how serious things are by how she conveys information. She sounded calm and composed. We didn't have a lot of details, but there were no signs of concern at this point. I grabbed my soccer gear, thinking I would duck out of the hospital after a while and catch a pick-up game in the park when I got the chance. After all...my dad made a hobby of visiting hospitals. With everything he had been through and fought already...a car accident seemed so minor. Got to the hospital...and all indications were still pointing to nothing serious. My family slowly gathered over the next hour or so. Information was difficult to get, but at no point did anything sound alarming. Time slowly drug on...almost grinding to a halt. The longer we waited, the more anxious we got. Minutes turned into hours. When the doctors finally came out to address my mother and the rest of us, time finally stopped altogether. That room...those doctors...those words. They all hang in suspended animation in my head...to this day. It's always there, in the back of my mind. No matter how many times I replay that scene in my head (voluntary or not), it ruthlessly follows the same script...never altering. My father passed away that day...and I miss him more and more every day. Grief...sorrow...sadness...all the standard emotions are there, tempered by the fact that this is life. It happens to people every day...losing loved ones is not unique or extraordinary. I try not to ask why, as it's a futile path to go down. I'll never know, or understand.
terraincognito terraincognito
36-40, M
1 Response Apr 23, 2012

So emotional....so hard, I know. Ten years last week that I lost my dad, think of him every day in every way. Very intense.