Cancer Murdered My Father
So many stories of cancer. My family had no cases of cancer until October, 2010 when my father was diagnosed. He passed away in May, 2011. The experience of watching my father suffer slowly and painfully has changed me. This sadness still embedded deep inside me, never to go away. I tell myself death is an unfortunate part of life and try to make peace with my father dying. Yet I still feel such deep sadness, even anger at times. I don't blame anyone or feel cheated. I had 37 wonderful years with my father. I don't know where the anger comes from and as much as I want to move on, the memories flood back in an instant. Maybe I need help. I don't know the line between normal grieving and depression to the point of needing to speak with someone. My work is suffering as I have no motivation to do my best. My father passing has made me look at life so different. I don't want to waste my life at a job that is unrewarding and unfulfilling. I feel the need to matter in this world. I feel myself being restless and searching...but for what? I don't know.