Mi Hija

I know it sounds ridiculously familiar, and maybe even cliche to the people in this group, but I NEVER for one second thought I'd live without my father around. When I was a Junior in High School, my father was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a really rare form of cancer that typically affects black males over 60. My father was a 45 year old Mexican. Obviously the case was unique, and my father was used for a lot of testing and research. At the time, my father and I had a LOT of problems. Both stubborn souls, we basically had stupid disagreements about who knew better, and justifying our sins in life. He and my mother had divorced due to his infidelity, and I felt cheated on as well. He had young girls at his house often, and one night even called asking ME, his unkissed daughter how to remove a hickey. I know it was never my place to be his judge, but my anger and frustration for his actions got the better of me, and we fell apart. When he was diagnosed, I tried to put it all aside and take care of him, I even dropped out of school, jeopardizing my college dreams. As luck would have it, his medication took a nasty turn, and he became abusive to me. I left his home and didn't speak to him for 7 months of his illness. The Holidays pushed me over the edge and when I first saw him again, I hardly recognized the man, mutilated by the masses of tumors in his body. Once again, I decided to take care of him, mostly for the lack of his wife's care. She was one of the young women in his life, and she married him, knowing he was ill. Another stupid decision on my fathers part. In the end, my father and I broke through the issues and bonded closer than ever in our lives. I have a real peace about where he is, and that despite his many human errors, he was close to God in the end. I am struggling with the shady things I've come to find since his death, but mostly, I've resolved to let it all go. Let it be as it was, and deal with things as they come. I loved my father, he was a good man, full of love and good intent. He was intelligent and giving, and for those things, I am grateful. For those things, I pray, continue in his legacy, in his memory, in me.
JeniDominga JeniDominga
18-21, F
May 11, 2007