My Story

i have never done anything like this before but here i go

on febuary 23rd 2008 i was in school like any other day. i was called to the office and a police officer confronted me. she told me my father collapsed and died from a heart attack. i was only a freshman in high school. he was my hero. i looked up to him. its been almost 4 years and it still feels like it happened yesterday. i am a freshman in college and i have been killing myself trying to hide it. i am lost without him. i am dying inside. i wake up every morning and wish it will be my last day. i dont know what to do. I wish he would be there when i graduated. i wish he taught me how to drive. i wish he could see me get married. i wish he could see my children. i wish that he could just tell me he loved me. most of all i wish he could tell me he was proud of me. just one last time. him saying that he was proud of me would just make happier than anything in the world. i have used alcohol to hide hold in the pain and it has set me back so far. the morning before i left i was running out the door and he told me he loved me. I didnt say anything back. i didnt say it back to him. i didnt think it was important. i thought i would see him at the end of the day. i would give up every dollar and possession i own just to see him one last time. just to hear his voice again. so i could say i love him. just to hold him. just to say that he is proud of me.
mark123321 mark123321
2 Responses Dec 5, 2012

theres nothing worse than feeling like you messed up because you didnt say i love you i have the same grief but the truth is we dont understand that its not our fault we need someone to be angry at and we have no one so we get angry at ourselves and blame ourselves i didnt even realize my dad was sick i didnt know he was going to die but he did and i never got to say what needed to be said and i will always feel guilty but in the end we never knew it was gonna happen and i can tell you now your father is proud of you no matter what you've done wrong he knows your trying and h is proud and im sure he loves you so much

i lost my dad to when i was only like 8 and i have 12 now