Why Didnt I Say I Love You

i lost my dad Feb 16 2012, he just feel asleep and didnt wake up. so im active military and so im never home well this last year when i was home i only saw my dad 2 time the whole 2 weeks i was there be cause i thought it was more important to see all my buddys and hes my dad i thought he would be here for ever. well Feb 16 my mother calls me and tells me my father died that morning i slammed on my brakes in the middle of the rode tears pouring down my face. when i finally could drive i got to work and got everything ready to go home. the whole time i told my self its a lie ill get off the plane and bomb he will be there or ill walk in the house and he will be there but every turn no dad. so the day of the funeral i got in my dress uniform and walked in to the church people crying and telling me how amazing my dad was and they will miss him. i didnt shed a tear talking in from of over 100 people i never cried my best friend ask why haven't i cried and i said idk i guess i dont need to. i finally got to see my fathers body and i swear i could see him breathing still no tears. 2 days later i fly back to base to go back to work. i go on like every thing is normal, finally i see a man at a store and he tells his young son he y i love you dont forget that ill always be here..... with out me knowing i burst in to tears i run out of the store and drive home as fast as i could i try to call my best friend Emily and then relies she is over seas i freak out more.that night i drank my self to sleep crying. and all i could think the last time i saw him i never said i love you. i never even texted him i love you dad. dec 3 was hes b-day i cried for hours. so now almost 2 months away from it being a year away now i still cant believe i was the most horrible son to my father i never told him thank you or i appreciate he help or his support i just want to see him one last time to tell him i love him and im sorry i was not a better son.
oxdown oxdown
18-21, M
1 Response Dec 11, 2012

Don't let regret and sadness rule your life. I lost my dad almost 4 years ago and I hardly recognize the person I was before. I let that sadness destroy every part of my life. I blew all of my inheritance on distractions and divorced my husband. I've lost all of my friends because I was acting out of control. Needless to say if he were around I would be a massive disappointment. I'm trying to change and get healthy again but it's so hard now that I've gone so far down this path.
He knows you loved him and that's what matters. We all take our families for granted when we are young. I didn't expect to loose my father when I did as I'm sure you didn't. I'm sure he was proud of you and understood why you needed to spend time with your friends when you came home.
Chin up, stay positive and be happy knowing that you were loved by him.