My Dad Died When I Was 11....

My dad died when I was 11.
Especy Especy
31-35, F
9 Responses Jan 1, 2007

yeah even u may have sisters or brother I am the only child for them I am 16

How do you deal with the lost now?

when we are babies our parents are our god and goddess. The center of our world. When we are hungry we get fed, we get wet they make us dry when we get cold they warm us when we cry they hold us and make us feel safe.<br />
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They are love (all of you with crappy parents sorry but for the vast majority this is the way it is)<br />
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Then we grow up and slowly we learn they are not perfect and at times they are totally clueless and helpless themselves.<br />
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My wife died 12 years ago. My daughters were 6 and 9. My oldest cried, she grieved the felt bad when she started to forget her mother's face. <br />
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I keep an altar in our living room and place food in front of it each day for our ancestors.<br />
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My youngest daughter right after my wife died, just looked calm. She poked her mother's face a couple of times and looked at me. I thought it did not affect her. I was totally wrong. It was there deep down and took years to finally boil up.<br />
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I have had a number of lovers over the years whose father's died in the 10 to 14 year old range. I noticed, because I was dominant and experienced and being a knowledge junkie loaded with information, they turned to me as a Father-lover.<br />
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Tell stories and go find people who knew your father, ask your mother, make videos of what they say. Best way is to set up a camera behind you and off to the side a bit and just let it run. Just sit and talk to them, hide the little light, so after a while the camera disappears and it is just the two of you talking you asking questions them telling stories.<br />
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But remember you carry inside you both your parents. You carry inside you many things. Lie in bed and bring them up in your mind. Roll them around and savor them. Let them shine like jewels and get clearer in your mind. If they are a bit 'wrong' don't worry.<br />
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My father often said crappy stuff to me, but I remember all the cool things he did, how much he helped me. Yesterday I was reading out loud about him to a group and tears just came. Totally caught me off guard. It was just a little thing he had done to support me, but wow to cry some 45 years after the event and 25 years after his death was nice, but then I like to cry. I like letting emotions flow. Yes I am a dominant. Yes I do whip my lovers. Yes I am sweet and tender. Yes I am strict. Yes I am many things which seem in conflict. So What?<br />
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You were in shock when you were 13. Your God had been shown to be mortal and flawed.<br />
Now some of that is coming up. Let it come. Cry, laugh feel pissed off and find yourself saying, "You left me you bastard." a minute later, "Oh I miss you and love you." and right after that you'll remember some silly little thing he did with you and be thankful.<br />
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Have it all. I do not worry about healing or any of the other platitudes people spout. Be alive. That means you get to have pain, tears, laughter with tears and ice cream when you are done. You get to look off into the distance and remember, you get to regret and forgive and feel everything you do.<br />
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All a part of being human. Even the crappy stuff connects later on as you look back.<br />
Keep looking, and be interested is the best advice I can give.

I was 47 and lost him forever. <br />
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Damn, i missed him!

Lost him? sounds irresponsible on your part
He left us or pass? sounds the same on his

I like Graduated. He completed his life successfully and graduated.

Just another questionable thought on my part, but works for me and has helped a few people I've said it to. You might try it on for size

I lost my father of Cancer. Sept, 1.2000 a year and 10 days before Sept 11. 01<br />
he did not get to see his grandaughter at her award in school for reading.

I was 2 month in pregnant when my dad died too i didn't see her face but i have some of her picture. I have some source about I lost my father try to search in google "thankgodforebook I Lost My Father" sharing an inspirational story and you can share your story too.

I lost my dad when I was 9. To this day sometimes I still cry inside all the tears I swallowed as a boy and all the ones I swallow, or cover up taking drugs, as a man.<br />
I miss him very much and I need to let go of this sadness that kills me.

I was 11 when my dad died too.

I lost my father when I was 5. But i remember him. it's **** me up to this day...and i didn't realize it until recntly.