I Lost My Dad Decades Ago. He Died Last Year.

I'd say the last time I actually had any kind of healthy relationship with him was probably 20 years ago.  We never got along.  He was an abusive drunk and I hated him for it.  I know that as a Christian I'm supposed to honor my father, but how does one honor someone who is so dishonorable? 

My mom, sister and I moved out the year after I graduated high school.  After that I only heard from him at Christmas.  He still came to see my sister now and then, when he needed something from her, but never had the time of day for me.  I moved across the country and got married, and no one was keeping that a secret from him, but he didn't know it for several months because he never thought to ask about me. 

Even without a relationship, everyone told me that I'd miss my dad if he was no longer around.  People seemed to expect that some part of me still loved the man who had tormented me for so many years.  They thought that deep down he should still mean something profound to me.

The day I found out my dad had died, one of my dogs was sick and throwing up. I was more worried about the dog than my dad.  I never mourned for him.  I still am surprised to think about him really being gone, but not in the way that you'd expect.  I don't wistfully think of better days or the relationship that could have been.  When I think of his death at all, it's with a sigh of relief.  I'll never have to face him again. 
Sidira Sidira
31-35, F
2 Responses Jun 18, 2007

Well... the dog actually died a few months later. He was a rescue and apparently was born with a blood disease that nobody knew about until it was too late. I still miss the dog. Can't say the same about my dad.

I don't blame you for your reaction. You cut ties with your dad long ago, and seem to be healthy and I don't doubt that your decision to not see him helped. I hope your dog is okay :-)